2010 MLB Predictions

This blog is as stale as a Foghat concert, so let's get this going again.

AL East
1. New York Yankees
2. Boston Red Sox*
3. Tampa Bay Rays
4. Baltimore Orioles
5. Toronto Blue Jays

AL Central
1. Chicago White Sox
2. Minnesota Twins
3. Detroit Tigers
4. Kansas City Royals
5. Cleveland Indians

AL West
1. Texas Rangers
2. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
3. Seattle Mariners
4. Oakland A's

NL East
1. Philadelphia Phillies
2. Atlanta Braves*
3. New York Mets
4. Florida Marlins
5. Washington Nationals

NL Central
1. St. Louis Cardinals
2. Chicago Cubs
3. Milwaukee Brewers
4. Cincinnati Reds
5. Pittsburgh Pirates
6. Houston Astros

NL West
1. Colorado Rockies
2. Los Angeles Dodgers
3. Arizona Diamondbacks
4. San Francisco Giants
5. San Diego Padres

ALDS
New York Yankees over Texas Rangers
Boston Red Sox over Chicago White Sox

NLDS
Philadelphia Phillies over Colorado Rockies
St. Louis Cardinals over Atlanta Braves

ALCS
New York Yankees over Boston Red Sox

NLCS
St. Louis Cardinals over Philadelphia Phillies

World Series
New York Yankees over St. Louis Cardinals in 6 games

AL MVP: Miguel Cabrera, 1B, Detroit Tigers
NL MVP: Albert Pujols, 1B, St. Louis Cardinals
AL Cy Young: Jon Lester, SP, Boston Red Sox
NL Cy Young: Roy Halladay, SP, Philadelphia Phillies
AL ROY: Brian Matusz, SP, Baltimore Orioles
NL ROY: Jason Heyward, OF, Atlanta Braves

2009-2010 NHL Season Predictions

I figure I'm on the twice-a-year plan when it comes to posting on this blog. I'm utterly unmotivated and I'm completely okay with that. Anyway, on with the predictions. I'm leaving playoff predictions out of this because I feel directly responsible for the Bruins losing. Don't like my predictions? Be sure to berate me later.

Eastern Conference
1. Boston Bruins
2. Washington Capitals
3. Philadelphia Flyers
4. Pittsburgh Penguins
5. New Jersey Devils
6. Montreal Canadiens
7. Carolina Hurricanes
8. New York Rangers

9. Buffalo Sabres
10. Toronto Maple Leafs
11. Ottawa Senators
12. Tampa Bay Lightning
13. Atlanta Thrashers
14. Florida Panthers
15. New York Islanders

Western Conference
1. Chicago Blackhawks
2. Vancouver Canucks
3. San Jose Sharks
4. Calgary Flames
5. Detroit Red Wings
6. Anaheim Ducks
7. St. Louis Blues
8. Dallas Stars

9. Columbus Blue Jackets
10. Los Angeles Kings
11. Minnesota Wild
12. Edmonton Oilers
13. Colorado Avalanche
14. Nashville Predators
15. Phoenix Coyotes

Awards
MVP: Alexander Ovechkin, Washington Capitals
Vezina (Best Goaltender): Evgeni Nabokov, San Jose Sharks
Norris (Best Defenseman): Zdeno Chara, Boston Bruins
Adams (Best Coach): Andy Murray, St. Louis Blues
Rookie: Jonas Gustavsson, Toronto Maple Leafs

2009-2010 NHL Predictions

Good to see everyone's been keeping up with posts. If I have to I'll throw this god damn blog on my shoulders and take it to the Promised Land. That being said, I haven't wrote an actual article on this thing in what seems like decades, so my apologies.

2009-2010 NHL Predictions

Eastern Conference
1. Washington Capitals
2. Pittsburgh Penguins
3. Boston Bruins
4. Philadelphia Flyers
5. Carolina Hurricanes
6. New York Rangers
7. Montreal Canadiens
8. New Jersey Devils
9. Buffalo Sabres
10. Ottawa Senators
11. Florida Panthers
12. Toronto Maple Leafs
13. Atlanta Thrashers
14. Tampa Bay Lightning
15. New York Islanders

Western Conference
1. Vancouver Canucks
2. San Jose Sharks
3. Chicago Blackhawks
4. Anaheim Ducks
5. Detroit Red Wings
6. Calgary Flames
7. Minnesota Wild
8. Columbus Blue Jackets
9. St. Louis Blues
10. Dallas Stars
11. Nashville Predators
12. Edmonton Oilers
13. Los Angeles Kings
14. Colorado Avalanche
15. Phoenix Coyotes


Stanley Cup Finals

Washington Capitals defeat Anaheim Ducks in 7 Games

2009-2010 Awards Winner:

MVP: Alexander Ovechkin, Washington
Vezina: Roberto Luongo, Vancouver
Norris: Zdeno Chara, Boston
Rookie: James van Riemsdyk, Philadelphia
Coach of the Year: Alain Vigneault, Vancouver

2009 NFL Predictions

Ok so the Texans and Jets are about to kick off here, and I know the Titans and the Steelers already played. But I really don't care. Here are my 2009 NFL Predictions, ya dig?

AFC East
1. New England Patriots 12-4
2. New York Jets 10-6
3. Miami Dolphins 7-9
4. Buffalo Bills 4-12

AFC North
1. Pittsburgh Steelers 13-3
2. Baltimore Ravens 10-6
3. Cincinnati Bengals 6-10
4. Cleveland Browns 5-11

AFC South
1. Indianapolis Colts 11-5
2. Houston Texans 9-7
3. Tennessee Titans 8-8
4. Houston Texans 7-9

AFC West
1. San Diego Chargers 10-6
2. Denver Broncos 8-8
3. Kansas City Chiefs 6-10
4. Oakland Raiders 3-13

NFC East
1. Philadelphia Eagles 13-3
2. New York Giants 11-5
3. Washington Redskins 9-7
4. Dallas Cowboys 7-9

NFC North
1. Chicago Bears 11-5
2. Green Bay Packers 11-5
3. Minnesota Vikings (F*** you, Favre) 7-9
4. Detroit Lions 3-13

NFC South
1. Atlanta Falcons 11-5
2. Carolina Panthers 9-7
3. New Orleans Saints 8-8
4. Tampa Bay 2-14

NFC West
1. Seattle Seahawks 10-6
2. San Fransisco 49ers 8-8
3. Arizona Cardinals 6-10
4. St. Louis Rams 4-12


AFC Wild Card
3. Colts lose to 6. Ravens
4. Chargers beat 5. Jets

NFC Wildcard
3. Seahawks lose to 6. Packers
4. Bears defeat 5. Giants

AFC Divisional Games
1. Steelers defeat 6. Ravens
2. Patriots defeat 5. Chargers

NFC Divisional Games
1. Eagles lose to 6. Packers
2. Falcons lose to 4. Bears

AFC Championship
1. Steelers lose to 2. Patriots

NFC Championship
4. Bears lose to 6. Packers

Super Bowl 44
1. Patriots defeat 6. Packers

Super Bowl Champions: New England Patriots

NFL MVP: Aaron Rodgers, QB, Green Bay Packers
AFC Offensive Rookie of the Year: Knowshon Moreno, RB, Denver Broncos
NFC Offensive Rookie of the Year: Hakeem Nicks, WR, New York Giants
AFC Defensive Rookie of the Year: Brian Cushing, LB, Houston Texans
NFC Defensive Rookie of the Year: Aaron Curry, LB, Seattle Seahawks

A Blog post while listening to 2 Live Crew is just what this country needs....

Okay, so our last blog post was about Manny serving a suspension. Right now the Dodgers are better without him, somehow. But let's recap some other things that are magically happening in Sports.

1. King James was slain by Superman. To this, I look to barstoolsports.com and laugh at all of those Cleveland videos about sports and how "Cleveland....where amazing never happens". That you get for being a state whose majority of residence like NASCAR over baseball and basketball. Enjoy the recession because I don't see you winning a real lottery, let alone a draft lottery.

2. I'm going to say this now: In 10 years, Tim Lincecum is going to be the best pitcher to step foot on a mound. He has 500 k's after a year and a half in the MLB. Just so long that he doesn't go all Zach Greinke on us. At his rate, he could have Randy Johnson's numbers by the time he's 34.

3. David Ortiz decided to be the player in the entire league with the 3rd worst VORP. For those who don't know what VORP is, it's Value Over Replacement Player, i.e. that players value in the open market. Ortiz is worth -$5.2 million, which means if the Red Sox traded him, they'd have to pay for him to get something in return.

Now for more important news:

4. Obama nominated Judge Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court. Her stance on Affirmative Action is not what I would have liked, because after taking Labor Economics, affirmative action hurts firms more than it helps. Equal Opportunity employers, however, are the right way to go. It's ridiculous to hire someone just because they are a certain race. You wouldn't hire a clown to fix the john would you? Sotomayor would, so long he was black.

5. GM filed for bankrupcy this week. I sort of am glas that this happened. I know Manning and I have out disputes about this. I don't blame them for giving what the customer wanted, but I blame for them for trying to give them the same product when it was obvious no one wanted an H3, or could afford it when gas hit $4 a gallon. The economics of cars and gas prices is rather interesting. I wonder if anyone ever studied the sales of automobiles by type (SUV, mid size, hybrid) when the gas prices are higher or lower. That would've been something GM could have used a while ago, but it's their fault for thinking that people will get an SUV because it says hybrid on the side of it. Or that their plans to develop the electric car are about 10 years too late. This also bares a question: If I see Transformers 2 and want to buy one of the cars I see, will it be available by the time I see Transformers 2? This also bares the question, will Ford be taking over for Transformers 3? Bumblebee as a Focus?

6. This Rockefeller guy seems very smart for a ruthless criminal. I know it seems weird to say that, but he managed to con 3 different women into 3 different lifestyles while still maintaing them all. I think this guy and the Unibomber could fix the recession if they were put up to it. Not that anyone's pitching the idea...yet.

By the way, I'm going to do a movie review right now:

Star Trek:

Growing up a Transformers fan, I had little time to watch Star Trek. Besides when I was younger, the Next Generation was on with Worf and Picard. Having said that, I am happy that JJ Abrams brought Star Trek back to the front of the line. From start to finish, this movie was awesome. The whole story, or at least what every person who was either a fan or had never seen an episode of Star Trek, was perfect. Every little detail about Star Trek that people were skeptical about was revamped. The casting was perfect because everyone fit their role perfectly. Everyone from Zulu, Kirk, Uhura, and Scotty was right down to the last bit, perfect as I could only imagine it.

Grade: A-


Terminator Salvation:

Christian Bale is going to be busy for the next couple of years between this series of movies (yes there are more) and Batman. Although I didn't think he was the best actor in the movie, I think that Bale can pretty much play any one on the screen. Having said that, Bale needs to pick a voice and stick with it. His voice isn't Batman in this one, and it isn't Patrick Bateman from American Psycho, so PICK ONE. The movie, was clever and what I always wanted from a Terminator movie. Not running around from Arnold, Robert Patrick, or some hottie in pleather pants, but a war between machines and people. Anton Yelchin (kid from AlphaDog and Star Trek) and Sam Worthington were better than Christian Bale in this one. What I want to know is whether there will be a special feature in the DVD with Christian Bale flipping out on a lights guy. Great movie though.

Grade: B

Be on the look for Up, Transformers 2, Angels & Demons, The Hangover, Land of the Lost, Taking of Pelham 123, and many more to make this summer an awesome time at the movies.

Another Dark Day in Baseball, and This Time It Hits Home...

Thanks to Mark Manning, I woke up this morning around 11:15 to the most peculiar text message: Manny Ramirez suspended 50 games for the use of Performance Enhancing Drugs. The term "Performance Enhancing Drugs" has become the new "Weapons of Mass Destruction." Sad, but very true. There's always a slight gasp followed by whispers when "PED's" are mentioned.

In my sleepy bliss, I laughed at the text. I laughed for two reasons: One, I couldn't believe it. And two, if it was true, good. I've cursed Manny since the day he forced his way out of Boston. His antics last season were almost a disgrace to the game. Between rolling around in the outfield like a 4 year old in a sandbox who isn't quite ready to go home yet, to not hustling down the baseline on a ground ball, Manny seemed to just give up. The money was and always will be the issue with Manny. There always seemed to be something better out there for Manny. Year after year, Manny was always on his way out. But it never happened. He'd come back and we'd welcome him right back into our hearts. Telling us that "Boston was the place to be," we always believed him. But on July 31st, 2008, he got that "something better." LA was the place to be. Manny finally walked out that door, and so did my admiration for him.

From 2000 to 2008, Manny was it for me. Being a young ball player, I idolized him, especially his hitting. The way he approached hitting was like nothing I had ever seen. His plate presence, his balance, his hip rotation, and the way his hands quickly moved through the strike zone. It was fluid as can be. It was truly a work of art. I think I can count on one hand how many times Manny looked foolish at the plate. One Hand.

My initial reaction to the news does truly depict how I am truly feeling right now. I laughed it off, saying "good for you, you deserve it you hack." I also laughed when he got traded, and I laughed when he didn't sign with the Dodgers until February. And, of course, I laughed today. I sat and watched continuing coverage of Sage Steele (a lot hotter than I thought) and Hannah Storm (apparantly hooker boots on ESPN are in) reporting the "Developing Story." The reality had begun to set in. I became numb. No sadness, no despair, nothing. I remembered how Manny was my idol for the better part of my baseball life. And now everything he had done in a Red Sox uniform might eventually be called into question. We knew the steroid era took place during his tenure with the Red Sox, but we never thought Manny would have the brain capacity to pull off such a devious feat. With the needles, the cycles, the location of the shots, there was no way he could have pulled it off. But after today, I'm not so sure.

To be honest, I can't put my feelings into words. Like I said, I'm numb. Am I surprised? No. Am I hurt? Not so sure. The point is that it really seems like nothing is impossible anymore. It has come to the point where the next name that will come out (and it will most definitely be a big name) will not be a shocker. Baseball suffered yet another black eye today as the news broke that Manny Ramirez, the fun-loving, nonschalant slugger, tested positive for an illegal substance. Bud Selig and company better break those First-Aid ice packs with their collective fists, because there's going to be a lot of healing coming in the near future, starting with this MANNY-ac.

Maybe it's time I write something this time...

So it's been a LOOONG time since I've written on this blog. Buck and Mark both have written more than I have in the last couple of months. Kind of ironic since I am usually the blabber-mouth blogger. But there are somethings I should say since I have been a job-hunting hermit for about 2 months now. So here we go:

1. What the fuck is Swine Flu? I mean, is there a flu for every kind of genus of animal that Americans eat? Maybe its some sort of Jewish/Islamic joke since Passover just ended. The symptoms of Swine Flu make it seem like all you need to do is to wake up after a long night of drinking. Headache, nausea, aching joints...maybe they should be more specific with epidemics like this. Granted this is happening in Mexico, so maybe Americans will see this blow in their face when Taco Bell starts selling Pork Quesadillas for $.45. Think outside the emergency ward!

Update: LA Times reports 21 new cases of Swine Flu in U.S. WTF America!

2. So how many of you are really caring on how Obama did in his first 100 days? Here's my assessment: Within Obama's first 100 hours, he sent out a memo that pretty much stated: "Hey Lobbyists, cut the shit and play ball or else you're gonna get a fist in your ass". The only flaws I can see in Obama's 100 days were as follows: Not knowing that most of his cabinet choices didn't pay taxes, Giving the worst gifts to foreign leaders, and maybe not stopping the Koreans from testing a huge rocket.

3. Did anyone really know that Bea Arthur died this weekend? I found out when someone put it up on AIM or Facebook. I am kicking myself everytime something like this happens and I am not in a Deadpool.

4. Who really gives a shit that some Swede can sing Les Miserables songs well? Really! C'mon.

5. Is anyone else beside Mark and I going to care that Pontiacs won't be made anymore?

6. What the fuck were half the teams from the NFL Draft thinking when they walked into that room? I'm pretty sure they all watched some Tom Cruise movie post-2000 and thought, "Man he's such a great actor".

7. When will Comedy Central stop thinking that Korg Mandoong or whatever the hell that show is called is what people want after South Park? Two words to fill that gap of television: Drawn Together.

8. So for those of you who don't know this, Facebook has allowed companies to get in contact with your personal information, wall posts, pictures, videos, and pretty much anything that Facebook really shouldn't have let happen. Ladies and Gentlemen, your Mark Zuckerberg!

9. Shit, Swine Flu has already hit Minnesota. I should probably wear my mask thing just to be sure about this.

10. So....Bruins.....yeah, how bout them. Interesting Sports Econ class, we had a Boston Sports presentation where we talked about the Sox, Pats, Celts winning strategies. My professor had made a slide for the Bruins but at a last minute because he wasn't much of a fan. It didn't have season records like the other 3 teams, but instead showed whether they did horrible, Ok or Great. I think there were 5 horribles, an Ok, and a Great for this season. So, not to be naive or rushing it, but the countdown for Boston becoming Sports Paradise continues once the Rangers-Crapitals series ends. Should be an interesting month of May.

2009 NFL Draft Predictions

There are many questions entering the 2009 NFL Draft. Usually at this point the 1st overall pick has signed their deal that will make them set for the rest of their lives. However, as of 3 PM on Thursday, there is no deal in place. Many sources are reporting that Matthew Stafford is the guy, but there are some reports saying that Jason Smith or Aaron Curry might be the guy. To make matters even more complicated, Mark Sanchez is flying up everyone's draft boards like god damn Ironman. At least 4 teams have expressed interest in trading up to grab Sanchez, seeing as he could go as high as 4th overall to the Seahawks. Other possible destinations include Cleveland, NYJ, and Tampa Bay. So without further wait, here are my 2009 NFL Draft Predictions. This one could get ugly...

2009 NFL Draft

1. Detroit Lions - Matthew Stafford, QB, Georgia
2. St. Louis Rams - Jason Smith, OT, Baylor
3. Kansas City Chiefs - Aaron Curry, LB, Wake Forest
4. Seattle Seahawks - Mark Sanchez, QB, USC
5. Cleveland Browns - Michael Crabtree, WR, Texas Tech
6. Cincinnati Bengals - Eugene Monroe, OT, Virginia
7. Oakland Raiders - Jeremy Maclin, WR, Missouri
8. Jacksonville Jaguars - B.J. Raji, DT, Boston College
9. Green Bay Packers - Brian Orakpo, DE, Texas
10. San Francisco 49ers - Aaron Maybin, DE, Penn State
11. Buffalo Bills - Andre Smith, OT, Alabama
12. Denver Broncos - Tyson Jackson, DE, LSU
13. Washington Redskins - Brian Cushing, LB, USC
14. New Orleans Saints - Chris "Beanie" Wells, RB, Ohio State
15. Houston Texans - Malcolm Jenkins, CB/S, Ohio State
16. San Diego Chargers - Rey Maualuga, LB, USC
17. New York Jets - Vontae Davis, CB, Illinois
18. Denver Broncos - Larry English, DE, Northern Illinois
19. Tampa Bay Bucs - Josh Freeman, QB, Kansas State
20. Detroit Lions - Michael Oher, OT, Ole Miss
21. Philadelphia Eagles - Knowshon Moreno, RB, Georgia
22. Minnesota Vikings - Eben Britton, OT, Arizona
23. New England Patriots - Clay Matthews, LB, USC
24. Atlanta Falcons - Evander "Ziggy" Hood, DT, Missouri
25. Miami Dolphins - Michael Johnson, DE, Georgia Tech
26. Baltimore Ravens - Darrius Heyward-Bey, WR, Maryland
27. Indianapolis Colts - Percy Harvin, WR, Florida
28. Buffalo Bills - Brandon Pettigrew, TE, Oklahoma State
29. New York Giants - Everette Brown, LB, Florida State
30. Tennessee Titans - Peria Jerry, DT, Ole Miss
31. Arizona Cardinals - Donald Brown, RB, Connecticut
32. Pittsburgh Steelers - Darius Butler, CB, Connecticut

NHL Playoff Prediction

Yes, I'm aware that the games already started, but never mind that, I need to get these out of the way. I'm an honest guy, you can trust in the fact that I picked these before everything started today.

Round One:

Eastern Conference

Boston Bruins (1) v. Montreal Canadiens (8)
I'm a bit nervous calling any game involving the Bruins. It's not that I'm particularly superstitious, it's just that I don't want to be blamed for any misfortunes by everyone I know and love. So, with reckless abandon, I'll begin.

Tanguay - Koivu - Kovalev
Kostitsyn - Plekanec - Kostitsyn
Kostopolous - Lapierre - Latendresse
Higgins - Metropolit - Dandenault

O'Byrne - Komisarek
Hamrlik - Brisebois
Schneider - Gorges

Price
Halak

Does that scare you? It doesn't really scare me. Yes, I'm aware there's history involved. Let's get serious though. History means jack shit. The Canadiens have had the Bruins' number in decades past, but that's not applicable because almost anyone wearing Bleu Blanc and Rouge that used to rape the Bruins a few decades ago has nothing to do with the team now. Sorry, but the Bruins have dominated both the NHL and the Canadiens all season and will continue to do so.

Bruins in 5.

Washington Capitals (2) v. New York Rangers (7)
I had to put some serious thought into this one, but here it is. Even though the Capitals arguably have the best forwards in the NHL, I think the Rangers have what it takes to take this series. It all comes down to goaltending. The Rangers, with King Henrik, are an unbelievably dangerous team. They can flat out steal a series by simply riding on the broad shoulders of one of the NHL's elite goaltenders. What does Washington have to offer? Not a whole lot. I still contend that letting Cristobal Huet walk was one of the most embarassing moves by a front office in hockey that I've seen post-lockout. Their answer to that deficiency? Not good enough. This will be a tight one, but Jose Threeorfour is going to blow this series and Bruce Boudreau will be standing outside Cristobal Huet's apartment with a boombox and a Peter Gabriel cassette tape.

Rangers in 7.

New Jersey Devils (3) v. Carolina Hurricanes (6)
Here's another one, and I know I'm going to sound like I'm contradicting my last point, but I don't think Marty Brodeur is enough to overcome this team. Carolina is a team with explosive energy, and even though New Jersey has established themselves as the premier or near the premier defensive team in the NHL, I don't see them overcoming a team that's absolutely barnstormed their way into the playoffs. The concern here for the Canes is Cam Ward, who made 28 straight starts and was the integral piece of their playoff push. He's young so I suppose he can handle some of it, but he's going to run out of gas and soon.

Hurricanes in 6.


Pittsburgh Penguins (4) v. Philadelphia Flyers (5)
This, to me, isn't even close. Yes, the Penguins have been languishing in the basement for the bulk of the 08-09 season. Yes, the Flyers are an explosive offensive team. That being said, the Penguins have far more in their favor. They've got two of the best three players in the NHL in Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin. If either one of those guys catches fire, it's lights out for Philadelphia. This is coupled with the fact that although he hasn't quite been a stud, Marc-Andre Fleury is still a viable option in net. Marty Biron and Antero Bustyourpantski would both make great backups, but nothing more. Pens are ripping through this series like Rich Tocchet at a coke and poker party.

Penguins in 4.


Western Conference

San Jose Sharks (1) v. Anaheim Ducks (8)
I have a good time making fun of the Sharks. They fold like a lawn chair in the playoffs despite the best of intentions, and it's hysterical to me. These ain't the Sharks of years past. This is an absolute juggernaught of a team, not to mention I think the new coach will go a long way in stabilizing their collective insanity in these upcoming games. The Ducks are experienced, I have no doubt about that. Pronger and Niedermayer are a force to be reckoned with, but Gigurere has been replaced by a relative unknown and I don't think they have all the pieces together like they have before. Sharks are gonna roll right through this one.

Sharks in 4.

Detroit Red Wings (2) v. Columbus Blue Jackets (7)
I love the Jackets, I really do. It's a great story, but let's cut to the chase. The Red Wings, despite goaltending issues, are stunningly good. Rookie Steve Mason is an incredibly talented individual, but look at this power play unit.

Zetterberg - Datsyuk - Hossa
Rafalski - Lidstrom

There are teams that can overcome that sort of overwhelming level of talent, the Columbus Blue Jackets are not one of them.

Red Wings in 4.

Vancouver Canucks (3) v. St. Louis Blues (6)
Like the Jackets, the Blues are a great story. Believe it or not, they were statistically the NHL's best team in the 2nd half of the season. So, I'd love them to win. Keith Tkachuk is a class guy and it'd be great to see him win a cup. I just don't see it being feasible. The Nucks dont have much up front, but they have Roberto Luongo, and that's insurmountable for St. Louis. They'll put up a fight, but they simply can't contend in this sort of series, and they'll continue to be the perrennial "almost" team.

Canucks in 6.

Chicago Blackhawks (4) v. Calgary Flames (5)
This one could be a real thriller. On the side of the Hawks you've got budding superstars in Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews. With the Flames, you've got hockey's everyman, Jarome Iginla, and they've got who I have to assume is some sort of farm animal in Dion Phaneuf. These teams balance out VERY well, and I expect a high-scoring, exciting affair. What decides this is (what a surprise) goaltending. The Hawks have failed to prove to me that they can hang with the big guys with Khabibulin in net. Kippur's been ridden hard all season, but he's got enough left in the tank to be the deciding factor in this series. Mark my words, this may be the most exciting set of games in the playoffs.

Flames in 7.


Round Two:

Eastern Conference:

Boston Bruins (1) v. New York Rangers (7)
As you might be able to surmise from what I wrote before, Henrik Lundqvist scares the shit out of me. He's an absolute stud that's capable of stealing a series away from anyone. Despite this level of skill, the Bruins have been able to find ways to get through him this season, and their staunch defensive style is enough to contain what's left of their offense. The key to this game for the Bruins is going to lie in the ability to score even-strength goals. Their physicality, and ability to roll 3 lines will keep the Rangers tired and will play an important supplemental role. It'll be a tough one, but the end result is something I'm happy with.

Bruins in 6.

Pittsburgh Penguins (4) v. Carolina Hurricanes (6)
Remember how I said Cam Ward was going to run out of gas? This is where I'm counting on it. 28 straight starts to end the season + 6 tense, exhausting starts in the playoffs. Thats 34 straight starts for a goalie who's proven his mettle, but let's be honest. He's only human. The Penguins have been there and their skill will carry them to the Conference Finals, which, at the beginning of the season, seemed impossible.

Penguins in 5.


Western Conference:

San Jose Sharks (1) v. Calgary Flames (5)
I love the Flames, I really do. Jarome Iginla is a class act, and Dion Phaneuf picks his dates out of moving cars and climbs up the side of the Empire State Building with them. (These monster jokes doing anything for you? We should hang out more.) The Sharks are still the juggernaught in this conference. They've got balanced lines, competent defense, and a damn good goaltender in Evgeni Nabokov. The level of fight and talent in that team is too much for the Flames.

Sharks in 5.

Detroit Red Wings (2) v. Vancouver Canucks (3)
I'd be hard pressed to name 2 lines for the Vancouver Canucks. They've got the Sedins, who I suppose are nothing to scoff at. They've got Mats Sundin who has to clean up the dust in his pants after he farts. The Wings have to be worried about who they've got in net, but the 'Nucks don't have enough to make them sweat. The strength of this team is in Roberto Luongo. If Roberto Luongo were enough to stop the freak of nature that is the Detroit Red Wings offense, they could pull this one off, but if my Aunt had a dick, she'd be my Uncle. It's just not happening.

Wings in 5.

Round Three:

Boston Bruins (1) v. Pittsburgh Penguins (4)
I really didn't want this to happen. The Penguins are a dangerous team, mostly due to Malkin and Crosby, by some divine intervention, being on the same fucking team. By the 3rd round, they're going to be absolutely amped up and difficult to beat. On the other end, the Bruins are a calm, composed team that have shown throughout the regular season that they can handle high-pressure, intense situations. This will be no different. Make no mistake, the Penguins will put up a fight, but the Bruins will ultimately squeak through this one in their typical gritty fashion.

Bruins in 7.

San Jose Sharks (1) v. Detroit Red Wings (2)
Remember how I said the Chicago/Calgary series was going to be the most exciting of the playoffs? I may have to take that back. A series like this is liable to rip a hole in the universe and suck hockey fans through it. You're looking at 2 of the 3 best teams in the NHL slugging it out here. This will be a Chris Osgood v. Evgeni Nabokov waffle fight away from being a memorable classic. In a remarkable reversal of me harping on goaltending for this entire post though, I'm going to have to give it to the Red Wings in a thriller. In a series where both teams are so even, I have to give it to the team that's been there before.

Red Wings in 7.

Stanley Cup Championship

Boston Bruins v. Detroit Red Wings
So this is it. To echo what I said in the very 1st part of this whole diatribe, I hate making predictions about the Bruins. If this doesn't work out, I'm going to fear retribution from everyone around me. This is a really interesting final. The Red Wings are intimidating on offense, their forwards are top notch and with Lidstrom and Rafalski on the blue line, it only gets scarier. They've got a good deal of depth, too. It's difficult, apart from their revolving door at goaltender, to find a weakness in this team. This also goes without mentioning that the Red Wings managed to be the only team in the NHL to score more goals than the Bruins (289 vs. The Bruins' 270.)

So, without further ado, I'll begin sounding like a big homer. The Bruins have the ability to roll 3 dangerous lines, and perhaps the best 4th line in the NHL. They've got strong, stingy defensemen that are capable of adding to the offense (even without Andrew Ference.) Most importantly, they've got a Vezina Trophy candidate and working-class hero in Tim Thomas. The Red Wings are an extremely difficult opponent to deal with, but not an insurmountable one. In unbelievably exciting and nail-biting fashion, the Boston Bruins will bring the Stanley Cup back to the hub for the first time since 1972, and I will be witness to grown men crying.

Bruins in 7. Thank you god.

MLB Predictions

Just gonna quickly jot down my predictions for the much anticipated 2009 Major League Baseball Season.

AL East
1. Boston Red Sox
2. New York Yankees
3. Tampa Bay Rays
4. Toronto Blue Jays
5. Baltimore Orioles

AL Central
1. Chicago White Sox
2. Detroit Tigers
3. Minnesota Twins
4. Kansas City Royals
5. Cleveland Indians

AL West
1. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
2. Oakland A's
3. Texas Rangers
4. Seattle Mariners


NL East
1. New York Mets
2. Philadelphia Phillies
3. Atlanta Braves
4. Florida Marlins
5. Washington Nationals


NL Central
1. Chicago Cubs
2. Milwaukee Brewers
3. St. Louis Cardinals
4. Houston Astros
5. Cincinnati Reds
6. Pittsburgh Pirates

NL West
1. Los Angeles Dodgers
2. Arizona Diamondbacks
3. San Francisco Giants
4. Colorado Rockies
5. San Diego Padres


ALDS
Boston Red Sox defeat Chicago White Sox
New York Yankees defeat Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

NLDS
Chicago Cubs defeat New York Mets
Philadelphia Phillies defeat Los Angeles Dodgers

ALCS
Boston Red Sox defeat New York Yankees
Philadelphia Phillies defeat Chicago Cubs

World Series
Boston Red Sox defeat Philadelphia Phillies in 6 Games

AL Cy Young: Roy Halladay, RHP, Toronto Blue Jays
AL MVP: Miguel Cabrera, 1B, Detroit Tigers
AL Rookie of the Year: Elvis Andrus, SS, Texas Rangers

NL Cy Young: Tim Lincecum, RHP, San Francisco Giants
NL MVP: David Wright, 3B, New York Mets
NL Rookie of the Year: Cameron Maybin, CF, Florida Marlins

My Random Thoughts...

I wanna start off by saying welcome to Kevin. We officially now have a solid writer on our website, so that should add some credibility.

A lot has happened recently, from Michael Phelps auditioning for Half-Baked to those UNBELIEVABLE Steelers being crowned Super Bowl Champions. The Bruins have maintained their level of success over the long run despite the injuries, and now they've got just about everyone back. Oh, and I wish we had some sort of metrosexual/fashion guru on this site so they could go in-depth on how DREADFUL those Montreal Canadiens jerseys were on Sunday. Each one of those Habs looked like a giant gay piece of Fruit Stripe Gum (Yeahhh you remember, the one with the zebra on the front. Yeah it was great, but it lost its flavor after 25 seconds and before you knew it all the gum in the pack was gone. The same could be said about the Canadiens since their 7 Game Series win over the Bruins in which the Bruins wore them down for the Flyers to stomp all over, but that's another topic for another day. Oh yeah, Burn points for me).

The difference between Fruit Stripe and the Canadiens: Better Taste, Ballinnnnnn'

A Few Thoughts...

Dan Shaughnessy can never get enough can he? First it was the Curse of the Bambino, where he made up some ridiculous case of voodoo cast upon the Red Sox. Verdict: False. Anyway, there has been a huge media uproar over recent pictures of Tom Brady being hand-fed by Gisele Bundchen on the beach. Dan Shaughnessy, unable to find another story to write about beacuse the Patriots aren't in the playoffs and he'd rather die then right about the great success story of the year (the Bruins), decides he'd better put his 2 cents in about this latest fiasco before he gets a new hair cut. To my dismay, Dan the Man calls out Brady for the whole thing. Saying he needs to start acting like a QB, saying he needs to get tougher and more focused, the whole things really outrageous. I guarantee you Peyton Manning has intimate moments with his wife, and I'm sure Eli does too (especially when his wife fastens his bib for him at dinner, those are the moments they truly cherish). The point is, LEAVE TOM ALONE!!! It's not his fault the paparazzi is following his every move. And I think it shows how comfortable he is in being himself. He's doing this despite the fact he knows it's probably going to be photographed. At the end of the day, he's a 3-time Super Bowl Champ, 2-time Super Bowl MVP, AP MVP Award Winner, and having consensual sex with one of the top 5 hottest women in the world. Would you rather a QB with confidence in who he is, or would you rather him worry about every move he makes because he's worried about what other people are going to think? Just some food for thought...

...Ben Roethlisberger is not that good. I'm sorry. He had a great game-winning drive and had a good game. But overall, he is very VERY over-rated. I was watching some pre-game analysis on NBC which, to my delight, featured some hands on expertise from Rodney Harrison (I thorougly enjoyed Rodney doing 1 on 1 coverage with Chris Collinsworth. With a few elbows to the ribs and a few pushes in the chest later, I was a pretty happy guy and I'm sure I speak for all Patriots fans when saying that). I can't recall the two hosts who were sitting with Rodney, but I do recall Jerome Bettis sitting opposite of Harrison. When asked by one of the hosts what makes Big Ben so good, I look at my dad and say, "Man I hope Rodney says that Big Ben sucks." Without hesitation, Rodney responded, "I don't think Jerome's going to agree with me on this one, but Ben Roethlisberger isn't that good." I couldn't believe he said it. I was half-joking with my dad when I mentioned my hopes to him. But that's who Rodney is, a straight shooter with great expertise who would fit in great with any football show (I'd love to see him back in the Pats uniform next year, but the second place I'd like to see him is in Shannon Sharpe's chair on CBS. That way Shannon can have time alone to cry about his TE records being broken while mowing down Hot Wings. Sheehan you know exactly what I'm talking about). The point is, Big Ben is an average, maybe even above average quarterback. And I've heard people say they'd take him over anyone (Mike Wilbon). But the reality is, he's a game manager. He won't turn the ball over, he'll make a pass when needed, and he'll keep the defense on the field.

Up until the final drive, Big Ben hadn't done much. He threw a costly interception that was deflected and then caught. There's no arguing what Big Ben did on the final drive was legendary, because it was. But to say he is a great quarterback is pretty much saying that some people have been sippin on the wrong kind of kool-aid.

Just to wrap things up, The Steelers are NOT a dynasty. They've won 2 in 4 years...Pretty impressive stuff. A dynasty comes in 3's, as in 3 Super Bowls. The Patriots did that in 4 years, so they're the true dynasty. It'll be interesting to see which team comes out on top this year, because some people see this year as the year to define the team of the decade. Good stuff...until next time.

Dammit Chloe!

What's up, everyone? I'm Kevin, the new contributer to this wonderful blog.  I figured what better time to start posting than after another solid episode of "24." After a subpar season six, the show is back and better than ever for the seventh season. Here are my thoughts so far:

1. The women of "24," with Chloe being the one exception, are royal screw-ups. Save for Chloe, as well as Prime Minister Matobo's wife, who redeemed herself after shamefully opening the safe-room door, the rest of the ladies have really struggled in the opening hours. Let's start with enemy number one, FBI Agent Renee Walker.  

Agent Walker thought she could get away bothering Jack Bauer with rules and protocols. Big mistake. She's come close to jeopardizing every aspect of the mission to get evil Colonel Dubaku and should have been left buried alive so she could do no more harm. It was nice to see a newly-bearded Bill Buchanan tell her how it is and it was also nice to see Jack rub it in her face that he was right and she will always be wrong. To quote Ivan Drago, "If she dies, she dies."

Next up is President Allison Taylor. She's done nothing but remain stubborn and let Dubaku crash planes. Way to go. David Palmer would have solved this crisis in no more than an hour. She's on the brink of tears every 20 minutes and now some poor town in Ohio is going to be destroyed. Come on, Madam President. If Tommy Callahan can save a town in Ohio from going under, so can you. 

2. The Roger Taylor storyline is awful. There's been no point to it until around the 1:45 mark when Ethan (Warden Norton) needed to reach a paralyzed Taylor. Taylor, to his credit, managed to save himself from being killed by a pesky Secret Service agent.  Still, his death and the death of this storyline would be tremendous for everyone involved. Though judging from the previews for next week's episode, upon hearing of the news that her husband is missing, President Taylor cries again. 

3. Billy Walsh...in a suit? Yep, FBI Agent Sean Hillinger (Billy Walsh) is all clean-cut and ready for legitimate work, which leaves a sour taste in my mouth. After all, Billy Walsh once wore a shirt that read "SUITS SUCK." At least Warden Norton is consistently evil. If Walsh can get into more arguments with Agent Moss that lead to the two of them fighting in front of everyone, then the show would be even better.

So those are my major thoughts so far. Overall I've been pleased with this season, and it looks like it's only going to get better. I'll be back every Monday with a "24" recap and some thoughts, so keep checking back.

...And Big Brother Said "Ref, Are you Blind?!"

This past weekend, meaning from Friday Night to Sunday's Conference Championship until Today's Bruin's game, I think that Officials need to be re-educated, and in a large way. Let's start at where I think the conspiracy began. Friday night I went to my friend Sully's house to hang out, watch some hockey, have a beer or two, and play some of ESPN's 21st Century Trivia game. I was pleased. There are many questions ranging from rookie to all-star and were centered around many sports and statistics. Overall, a good time. Until, (and here it comes) I came upon the question that asked "True of False: MLB Umpires are not required to have an annual eye exam?". The answer, to my dismay, was True. Now, reading back the question and answer, I'd imagine your face must look like mine when I read it too.

So I'm okay after this. This probably is just something that the Umpires contracts has in it. I figure, I'll go home and forget this. Maybe the umpires don't eye exams every year. Maybe it's every other year. Who knows?

Fast forward to Travis Reed's house where we watch the Cardinals beat the Eagles, the Steelers beat the Ravens, and Willis McGahee almost die. The play was Flacco passing to McGahee and Steelers Ryan Clark runs into McGahee, HELMET FIRST! That's a link to the video. For those of you that don't know, helmet to helmet collisions are illegal, if done intentionally, and also hurt for a long time. Helmet to Helmet's have ended careers. Ask Bill Romanowski about that one. Everyone in the city of Pittsburgh saw and heard the hit because neither of the players moved for 3 minutes. I think the point that I didn't like was when I heard Jim Nantz-y pants and Phil Simms say it was a legal. shoulder block, but most of all there wasn't a single flag or official call for something that was done intentionally. There are rules and regulations for this kind of thing for a reason. That Steelers-Ravens game was the worst. It was just cheap shot after cheap shot, regardless of whether it was done in front of the refs or not. If I were the Commissioner, I'd fine Ryan Clark for the hit and suspend him from the Super Bowl for such a hit. If McGahee were to die in his condition, which as of a few minutes ago was "movement in his legs and arms, but neurologically intact", I'd suspend Clark until further notice. Plays and hits like that, those effects have no place on the field.

Now sitting on the couch today, I see that the Bruins are playing the St. Louis Blues in the afternoon. Great! I can watch them. The score was 2-1 Blues when I came into the game. But after some great goals by Ryder, Wideman and Chara, the Blues score another goal to make it 4-3 Bruins with about a minute left. The Blues skate up the ice and score a goal but slapping it in, but the puck was above the crossbar when Backes hit it in the goal. My first thought is - what the hell does that mean? Thanks to Jack Edwards and Andy Brickley who said "If the puck is above the cross bar when there is contact made - No goal". Hmm, simple enough. Then the referee will look at the replay and there will be conclusive evidence against it. But what happened? The puck, which is clearly above the cross bar at about the 4 minute mark of this highlights video, is called a goal. This puzzles me because I would think the NHL would not like controversy since it's coming off a very memorable Lockout.

This is the point in my blog where I become a Jack-the-Ripper of ranting. Being a life-long sports fan, I think every sports provider needs to learn two words and two words quick: Tim Donaghy. Remember him? He's the one that fixed the outcome of NBA games to support his gambling habit. Now imagine that there isn't just a Donaghy in the NBA, but in the NHL, NFL, and MLB. Imagine a world where people aren't picketing institutions of government, but are outside of the city stadium, boycotting the sporting events because the outcomes are fixed by officials who need to get paid by their bookie. Where are the government moles? Where are the people that are stopping the fraud that goes on the field? With cameras, sensors, and technology that is available, there is no need for the referee. The referee is the obsolete job of tomorrow. That guy that sits in a high chair at Wimbledon can come down because we don't need him. He's just a human element that distracts the real outcome.

Remember the ref who, to this day, still says that Brett Hull's foot wasn't in the crease in the 1999 Stanley Cup? Didn't that determine the outcome of the winner?

How about Maradona's "Hand of God" in the 1986 World Cup?

And then again in 2007 with Lionel Messi.....

It seems like the only thing that we need officials for is breaking up fights. Their not even that good at doing that. We are in the 21st Century with televisions that can show me a blackhead on Jessica Alba's immaculate face, phones that can turn silent when I walk into a certain area, and cameras that can shoot 1000 frames a second. I think its time we replace the officials with things that can do the job for them without having to take eye exams, without having to worry about whether they are addicted gamblers, and without having to worry about their health after pissing off so many fans. If we can have Big Brother watching every move we make as a society, why not have him watch where it counts?

2009 Prediction by Sheehan

Okay, so I've made a list of things that will happen in the year 2009. Some are just there because of hilarity, some are there because they will indeed happen. I'll let you decide which is which.

1. Barack Obama will be criticized by black people all over the nation when they find out he has no intentions of putting rims on the new Presidential vehicle.
2. The Celtics will win another NBA Championship against the Los Angeles Lakers, prompting Bob Ryan and Dan Shaughnessy to take witchcraft lessons to see if they can put some sort of spell on another Boston team.
3. The Boston Bruins will make the playoffs. The Boston Bruins will also make NESN's list of teams that New Englanders paid attention to more than the Revolution.
4. Blagojovich, however you spell it, will be homeless man of the year, after people realize he sold his house to be the front runner of the Senate seat giveaway.
5. Plaxico Burress will go to jail for 3 years minimum after gun charges filed against him. Marivn Harrison will have 2 years of probation and 1 year of jail time for the shooting outside of his house. Cinco Ocho will pay a heafty fine for copyrighting the name of a meal at Ixtapa Cantina. Thus, Randy Moss will become the nicest shit-talking wide receiver in the NFL.
6. Tiger Woods will return and begin to play golf like the champion he is, but people will start to worry about Phil Mickelson's health since he still isn't winning championships without Tiger there.
7. NASCAR attendance will slide tremendously once everyone below the Mason-Dixon line has lost their house to one of the many bankrupcies.
8. A bank will fail everyday until someone comes up with the name "Piggy Bank" for a company, thus bringing people someplace they can really trust their money.
9. A Lifetime movie will be about the Palins' starring Tina Fey as Sarah, Evan Rachel Wood as Bristol, and Edward Furlong as esteemed redneck boyfriend/hockey washup Levi Johnston. Ratings will sky-rocket.
10. Scientology will continue to be on everyone's mind in 2009 once the real Tom Cruise shows up and kills the fake robot one, saying that he's beein the Andes Mountains for 10 years and hopes to be making good movies once again.
11. John Travolta's life will become more ironic since the song of the movie that made him famous was 'Staying Alive'.
12. NEWS ALERT: Mississippi has the highest teen birth rate and obese rate. MY PREDICTION: Ground zero for the next wave of hurricanes.
13. Apple Stocks will plummet once people start being reasonable and come to the conclusion that they just paid $500 more for something that was $100. Also, Steve Jobs will disappear from the media for about 6-8 months and will return looking like Sith Lord from Star Wars. Justin Long will plead for a real job. The MacWorld presentation will be cut short once all those white people buying Mac's will see that Apple has teamed with MacDonalds to create the new iPod, the 400 lb iFat. Bada bah bah bah, I'm lovin' it.
14. Several more white children will go missing causing Nancy Grace to hire a black and latino correspondent to verify the races of the children.
15. The new Democratically run Senate's first order of business will be to decide if Al Franken or Barney Frank will perform during Bear Week.
16. Halfway into the summer, people will begin to forget about the end of the world in 2012 because the movie 2012 will suck so bad.
17. Nostradamus and the Mayans will be discredited for the remainder of our existence because YOU CAN PREDICT EVERYTHING AND STILL GET SOMETHINGS WRONG!!!!
18. Eric Mangini will become the Browns head coach, making the Lions and Browns the only teams in the NFL not worth holding onto.
19. Miley Cyrus will have the most hilarious sexual scandal when people find her sleeping with the fat kid from Drake and Josh.
20. The Bash Brothers 3.0 will return to Oakland with the signing of Jason Giambi and Matt Holliday. Jason's entry music will be Jambi by Tool, but Matt's will be Holiday by Madonna.
21. (courtesy of James Bucknam) Pacman Jones will join the New England Patriots Defensive Squad, making him the Benedict Arnold character at the American Revolution play at Patriot Place.
22. Anderson Cooper will pull a 'Lara Logan' and have a child with an American soldier in Iraq, making him the second known man to give birth to a child.
23. The Red Sox will win the World Series, and Japan will celebrate by putting the Red Sox B on the national flag.
24. Ann Coulter will enjoy mass popularity when she is filmed at a KKK orgy being depicted as the centerpiece and when people find out she's a man from her new book "Dickless - Confessions of how Liberalism got the best of my former unit".
25. Zdeno Chara, David Ortiz, Rodney Harrison and Kevin Garnett will create the most popular fight club in New England. People will flock to it at first when they see that Heidi Watney barreling over Naoko "Hirohito" Funayama, but then leave instantly when they see Scott Zolak and Greg Dickerson almost kissing eachother.

That's enough for now, I think you must've at least smiled once during that thing.

Patriots...Buffalo Wings...Predictions

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas. Good, since that's settled, time to break the holiday spirit and time for me to go on a rant. Sunday was supposed to be a happy day. We had just had a great night in Boston that included a lot of RUEEEE's from Travis Reed, a lot of laughs, and of course, a lot of me making an ass of myself on the dance floor. Sunday Funday was in full swing: Pats on at 1, Jets-Dolphins and Ravens-Jags on at 4, and if we had the time, Bruins-Thrashers on at 5. We all decided it'd be a great idea to head to Sully's house for the games, so we did. We enjoyed some Dunkin' Donuts, some Buffalo Wings (ironic considering we were playing the Bills), and at certain points, each other's company. Unfortunately, The Patriots crazy win in Buffalo meant absolutely nothing as Eric Mangini and the low-flying Jets (pun intended ahhh thank you) put up the worst effort since Kanye West tried to hit the high notes on SNL while performing "Love Lockdown."

Fast Forward to about a minute in, You'll know what I mean.

So here we are a day later, and the fall out already begins. Less than 24 hours after the Jets literally soiled themselves, Eric Mangini was fired as Head Coach. To be honest, I have never been happier the day after a Patriots loss. Watching Mangini get fired is almost worth the Patriots not making the playoffs. So, nevertheless, the Patriots will not enjoy the sweet up and down ride known as the NFL Playoffs, and I will be forced to jump on a bandwagon and hopefully ride it to a Lombardi Trophy. My heart is with Atlanta and Matt Ryan, but my mind has a different opinion. And with that, here are my NFL Playoff Predictions:

AFC Wildcard:
#5 Indianapolis Colts over #4 San Diego Chargers
Why: Peyton Manning. The guy has been playing out of his skull. After starting off 3-4 and all the analysts calling into question whether or not the Colts were even a playoff team, they rattled off 9 straight victories to close the season and are unquestionably the hottest team in the AFC. That's bad news for the rest of the conference.
#6 Baltimore Ravens over #3 Miami Dolphins
Why: Because I said so. There's no way the Dolphins make it out of the first round. Plus I like the match-up for Baltimore's Defense.

NFC Wildcard:
#5 Atlanta Falcons over #4 Arizona Cardinals
Why: Michael Turner. The Arizona Cardinals have a high flying offense with great passing ability. But they can't run the football. Michael Turner will dominate this game and keep the time of possession in Atlanta's favor. Look for Matty Ice to throw for 190-200 yards and a TD as he manages this game in lieu to a Falcons victory.
#6 Philadelphia Eagles over #3 Minnesota Vikings
Why: Because Brad Childress creeps me out. There's something about that guy that isn't right, and it bothers me. He shouldn't be in the NFL as a coach, he should be locked up behind bars in a Montana State Prison. Plus I like Donovan McNabb and his receivers against a very weak Vikings secondary.

AFC Divisional Playoff
#5 Indianapolis Colts over #1 Tennessee Titans
Why: Because the Titans peaked too soon. Like the Colts have done for many years, they start off hot going 12 or 13-0 and finish 14-2 or something like that. After winning their first 10 games of the season, the Titans only managed to go 3-3 the rest of the way. I think they have a severe case of Colts syndrome, and they'll lose this one. I really like the Colts because they're playing good football, plus I think Chris Johnson might hit a rookie wall and we don't want Lendale White to be eating up all the carries, literally.

Lendale White: For a Fat-Free America

#2 Pittsburgh Steelers over #6 Baltimore Ravens
Why: Both teams have great defenses, so I give the edge to the team with the best offense, and that's the Pittsburgh Steelers.

NFC Divisional Playoffs:
#2 Carolina Panthers over #6 Philadelphia Eagles
Why: Slash and Dash. Williams and Stewart will dominate this game, as they have the second half of the season. I think you can see where I'm going with this.

#1 New York Giants over #5 Atlanta Falcons
Why: I love New York Giants football. Wrong? Yes, but so right. They can beat you on the ground, in the air, on defense, and even on special teams. 2 1,000+ yard backs in Ward and Jacobs, plus Super Bowl MVP Eli Manning to deliver the football to their receivers. Plus their defense is tops in the league. I love Matt Ryan, and someday he'll win a Super Bowl. Not this year though, as he's done more than anyone could have asked by taking a struggling franchise like the Atlanta Falcons to the Playoffs. Great year, but like all other good things, they must come to an end. And the end is here.

AFC Championship Game
#5 Indianapolis Colts over #2 Pittsburgh Steelers
Why: First off, it kills me to have these two teams playing for the AFC Championship. And I don't even think I'll watch the game because I hate these teams so much. As long as Ben recovers from his umpteenth concussion, they'll be in this game. I just think the Colts are riding a hot streak and their gonna ride it right to the Super Bowl. Joseph Addai is finally healthy and Dominic Rhodes should be good to go, plus Harrison-Wayne-Gonzalez-Clark, it'll most certainly be a great offensive-defensive showdown. Barring an injury to All-Pro Safety Bob Sanders, the Colts should have enough to hold off the Steelers.

NFC Championship Game
#2 Carolina Panthers over #1 New York Giants
Why: Because they have the better Running Back Duo. Slash and Dash have opened eyes all over the NFL. With a running attack like the Panthers have, this will open up deep plays to Steve Smith. Right now Aaron Ross is still up in the air after suffering a concussion, but if he somehow can't play in this game, I pity the corner who has to cover Steve Smith. It'll be close, but I think Carolina comes out on top in the end.

Super Bowl XLIII

Carolina Panthers defeat Indianapolis Colts, 31-21
Super Bowl MVP: Deangelo Williams

Why: I'm literally beating a dead horse here, but the Carolina rushing attack is just unstoppable. Indy boasts the 24th rank Running Defense in the NFL. Translation: Swiss Cheese. I think the Panthers have the firepower in the back field to keep Peyton and his Posse off the field for the majority of the game, and keeping the ball in the hands of the offense. It kills me to say this, but Jake Delhomme is going to be a Super Bowl winner. Fuck my life.

Well I hope you enjoyed this ridiculously long blog post, and hopefully I don't screw these up too bad. Until next time, have a Happy New Year and...oh yeah, Go Bruins.

NHL Lookalikes

I've been dragging my feet on this one for far too long, so without further ado, here are your NHL lookalikes.

Evgeni Malkin & Jaws from Moonraker

The resemblance is just flat out terrifying.

Moustache Enthusiast George Parros & Charles Manson

It's plausible that both of them have murdered hundreds of people.

Sean Avery & Sacha Baron Cohen's Gay Character "Bruno"

"Being gay is the new coolest thing, so I'm going to the gayest team in the NHL, the Montreal Canadiens!"

Brett Hull & Tooth Gap Enthusiast Woody Harrelson

Brian Rafalski & Cursing Enthusiast Tourettes' Guy

It's rumored that when Rafalski was on the Power Play in New Jersey, he told Jose Theodore "GO COUNT YOUR DICK!"

Manny Fernandez and Creeping Enthusiast Joe Lo Truglio

Manny Fernandez wants to know if you guys have MySpace.

Crying Enthusiast Mark Messier & Actress Hilary Swank

Has anyone else ever noticed that Hilary Swank only gets awards when she gets the shit beaten out of her in a movie?

Tim Thomas & Handyman Mike Holmes

Tim Thomas rigged the Bidet in Alexei Kovalev's house to dispense his Vagisil. He's making it right.

Daniel & Henrik Sedin

There has to be some sort of explanation as to why these two look so similar.

David Krejci & Tater Tot Enthusiast Jon Heder

Come on Napoleon, gimme some of your shots!

Hope that wasn't anticlimactic. I'll continue to ignore my posting responsibilities for another 2 months now, see you then.

10 Movies I think no one should ever see....

There are many lists of movies that people have hated. Check Wikipedia, RottenTomatos.com, Metacritic.com, and IMDB for all the lists of notorious movies that were worthless in terms of paying to see a movie. But my list is different. I'm going to make my lists much like 'what kind' of movies not to see, not just mainstream titles.

10. Movies that are from Quentin Tarantino that don't have anyone recognizable in the trailer or a headline actor's name. Recently, QT has tried to make every movie of his into an underground movie. For instance: Many of you may not know that he made a Biker movie that he wanted to be "The Best Biker Movie Of All Time". I know one, maybe two other biker movies, so there isn't a lot of competition. If any of you checkout TheMovie-Box.net, there is a trailer for a movie called "KillShot". KillShot is an Elmore Leonard novel that I have been reading that's supposed to star Mickey Rourke, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Johnny Knoxville, and Diane Lane. So far, its a great book. Guess what, the film was being shot in 2007 and QT, the director and producer, hasn't done shit to it. I'm guessing he's too busy with his awesome movies he's putting out so far.

9. Movies starring Al Pacino, as of recently. Let's face it, the Michael Corleone that we once knew is no longer the actor he used to be. He hasn't made a good movie since 1999, in which there were 2: Any Given Sunday and The Insider. He was in Ocean's 13, but that was successful before he was even cast in that movie. Every movie he's made since then has been a piece of shit and I don't think we'll see the old Al. He is making a movie called Dali and I, in which he plays Salvador Dali. One can only hope who got hold of that piece to direct(its apparently the guy who directed another one of Pacino's greats...."S1mone".

8. Movies with Comic book characters that you didn't know existed. There is this movie coming out, The Watchmen, and it's supposed to be the "best written comic book ever". I have never heard of this as a child, and I will probably never understand the superheroes, nor their powers. The plot is supposed to be set in 1985 where Richard Nixon is President and the Soviet Union still exists. The bad guy is named The Comedian. I don't think this movie will sell to anyone between the ages of 18-30 if they have had sexual encounters with another person. But if they have, they have some explaining to do.

7. Movies starring Stand-up Comedians. Unless your name is Chris Rock, George Carlin, Robin Williams, or Richard Pryor, you don't belong in Comedy movies as a primary character. Dane Cook, Larry the Cable Guy, the other unfunny Blue Collar guy, Tim Allen(post Santa Clause), and many other upcoming stand-up comedians are killing me with their shit movies. I hope Larry the Cable Guy gets caught stealing cable and goes to jail for a long time. Dane Cook, I think, is the most unfunny person ever. Louis CK is much better. They've been D-list forever, and they still somehow get people to watch them. There is a difference in writing jokes on stage and writing jokes for a movie. The movie jokes make sense with the movie. The only really active stand-up comedian is Dane Cook, maybe Martin Lawrence if you count Def Comedy Jam. But I don't think that he can do any good right now. He needs to hide for about 4 years and then re-appear with a new album and he MIGHT, and thats a big might; might be funny.

6. Political Movies that talk about elections and issues more than an actual plot with characters. There have been two pet-peeve movies in recent years. One of them was called Man of The Year, which wasn't too bad. Robin Williams had some good one-liners in there. But there was one recently with Kelsey Grammar and Kevin Costner, where the election came down to one vote and it was Kevin Costner's decision to elect the next President. Not only is the story entirely out of this world, but they made the movie be about how candidates want to get your vote and will do anything for it. It's called Politics and according to one of my favorite deceased writers -"It's the end-all be-all of bloodsports." I don't care that electronic voting will take away my vote- it doesn't count in the first place. Sure, I know that politicians will do anything for my vote, that's what they try to do.

5. Movies made by the Zuckers after they made the Naked Gun series. Some people know what I'm talking about here. Ever see a movie called "Disaster Movie", "Epic Movie", "Date Movie"? I hope not. If you have or ever thought of a good thing to say about it, you have no credibility whatsoever. The Zuckers have gone for broke and tried to make every movie with every no-talent actor about every other movie made in Hollywood. I don't know why they do this. But it's no wonder why IMDB's Bottom 10 of the Bottom 100 have been made in the last 6 years. Dear Zuckers, stop making movies and stop doing drugs and retire already.

4. Remakes and Sequels that didn't need to be remade or sequeled. I'm sure at the top of everyone's list is Indiana Jones 4, Baby Genius's 2, Garfield 2, Friday After Next, Are We Done Yet?, etc. This a category that's a bit shaky because I have liked remakes better than originals. What Chris Nolan has done to the Batman series is phenomenal, but what Joel Schumacher did to it was horrendous. The Superman movies don't need to be remade. X-Men 3 was crap. Bill and Ted's Whatever adventure didn't need to be remade. American Pie: Whatever Number didn't need to made or thought of. I'm sure any pot head can come up with the idea that college is great for all the right reasons. I will add a subcategory to this: Movies with families that have 10+ kids in them. Seth Rogen was right: "12 kids that's not funny...That's not funny, that's sick...sick movie."-

3. Movies made by Steven Spielberg after the year 2000. Now Spielberg is probably one of the most successful directors of the 1980's and 90's. But for some reason he ran out of ALL ideas to pursue. I don't think that he'll make another worthy film before 2010. Although that doesn't leave a lot of time, there is still plenty of chances for him to make a career out of being that old director who makes a comeback.

2. Documentaries that aren't made by people who sold their house to make that documentary. Many people don't realize the implication of making a documentary. The purpose of a documentary is to not have the resources to project any argument you want (Michael Moore). Because Warner Brothers pays Michael Moore to make documentaries, he's not a real documentarian. He's just a puppet. His first documentary about GM was good. He had to take out two mortgages, and it took forever to make. That's the real meaning of a documentary; not getting a whole bunch of money and making any propaganda you want.

1. Movies that you can't see for free. I'm a movie lover. I'm also a pirate, but only a very small part of me is a pirate. I understand that there are some movies that I will pay to see, and some movies I will pay lots of money to see. Hulu.com is a great website. There are plenty of movies that just look awful, but they are for free.


With this wisdom, I leave you hoping that you'll be able to make a better choice of movies in the future. I hope that someone in Hollywood picks up on the fact that no one likes crappy movies, so stop making them.

"Ference wants more! He wants to rip that guy limb from limb and who wouldn't wanna see that?!" - Jack Edwards

It's been a while since I've posted on this thing, and I thank that in large part to the fact that nothing has really pissed me off/inspired me to post. Well, fortunately for all 3 of our readers, something inspired me Saturday night: Steve Ott, The Dallas Stars, and the Boston Bruins. Steve Ott you ask? Who the hell is Steve Ott? I consider myself a pretty knowledgeable hockey fan, and up until Saturday I'd like to tell myself I've heard of the guy. But to be honest, I'm not quite sure. Steve Ott is a wannabe Sean Avery, a guy who can get under the opponent's skin and a guy who you love to have on your team. Sean Avery has established himself as THE NHL pest. Steve Ott, on Saturday night, established himself as the bickering girl on the playground.

On more than one occasion Saturday night, Steve Ott took a run at a Bruins player, trying to get under their collective skin. No call. Play goes on. Early in the second period, Ott came across ice, squared up Stephane Yelle, and ducked under him and went directly for his knees on a very questionable check. Shawn Thornton immedietly challenged Ott, who didn't drop his gloves or his stick (in fact, his stick was the only thing in between his fragile life and Shawn Thornton's fists of fury). As the game progressed, the Bruins started to challenge Ott, but no go. Another hit comes to mind when Ott came guns a-blazin' into the offensive zone. There is a difference between hustle and determination and coming in to kill a man where he stands. Ott came in, left his skates, and pummeled Bruins defenseman Mark Stuart. Shane Hnidy wanted to drop the gloves with Ott, but he'd have none of it. He complained to the ref for an instigator and tried to skate away. There's nothing worse than a man who goes out there specifically to cause trouble, to act like a lone ranger, and not back it up. He was challenged to fight, and backed away. At least Sean Avery backs it up.

The turning point came in the third period, when Ott came up the middle of the ice. Ott received a poor pass, had his head down for a split second, and was absolutely steam rolled by Andrew Ference. Andrew Ference, not known for his "lumber laying" ability, came from his blue line across the ice to where Steve Ott gleefully glided along the ice. He picked up momentum and he closed in on Ott, and laid one of the most beautiful open ice hits I've ever seen. With Ott's head down for a millisecond, Ference laid his shoulder right square into Ott, sending him flying into the air. It seemed like Ott was in the air for 10 seconds, and for all I know he could have been. By the time Ott had hit the ice, the remaining masculinity that he felt he possessed was stripped away from him. Not by Chara, not by Thornton, and most certainly not by Lucic. It was Andrew Ference, Mr. "Go Green or Go Home." Moments later, Ott got up, took a run at Petteri Nokelainen, who had his back turned, and got a charging penalty. Almost simultaneously, Sean Avery went after Ference, asked him to fight, and Ference obliged. Someone else doing Steve Ott's work, what else is new. Ference took on Avery, got a good right hook and a few quick left jabs in, and ultimately won the bout. After having to be torn off of Avery, Ference got up, acknowledged the crowd with a PJ Stock-esque wave, and did his 5 minutes of time (Mighty Ducks Reference: 5 minutes for fighting? WELL WORTH IT). We'll look back on this game, perhaps more specifically that hit, later on in the season and wonder if that could have been the turning point.

Andrew Ference: Humanitarian and Steve Ott Ruiner

It will take months to make the assessment, but I believe Saturday night's game was and will be the turning point for this Bruins team. Gone are the days of being stomped out like an annoying mosquito on home ice and gone are the days where it seemed the Bruins couldn't stick up for themselves in a backyard pick up hockey game gone sour. Welcome the days of the new Big Bad Bruins. Thornton, Lucic, and Chara headline the group. But guys like Ference, Ward, Hnidy and even Savard (who I gained so much respect for after he stood up for Lucic, more on that in a bit) who have carried their share.

One more quick thought on Marc Savard. For the record, I love this guy as a playmaker. To this day I still believe he is the most under-rated player in the NHL. Line him up with a proven sniper, this guy will get you 70-80 assists. But one thing I always questioned was his toughness. He never seemed to take the body, never seemed to absorb hard checks. If he went to the box, it'd be because of stick infractions, not for a roughing penalty or anything like that. Well, my opinion of him in that area all changed Saturday. Lucic was up against the boards getting fed the puck by his defenseman, when Sean Avery came up from behind him and caved him in. It was apparent that Avery saw his numbers, but that didn't stop him. Right after Avery caved in Lucic, Savard (out of all people) jumped on Avery and started landing right hook after right hook on his mug. A mini brawl ensued, which included Shane Hnidy beating the living bag out of a Star that wanted nothing to do with him. Marc Savard got the boot, and got my respect.

You'd think they'd have Election Year medications on tap....

I think everyone has a migraine from these last few months of continuous coverage of the battle that has been Barack Obama vs. John McCain, Liberal vs. Conservative, Red vs. Blue, Kimbo Slice vs. Seth Petruzelli. I think this year has been the most "turbulent", as Allen Greenspan would put it. Everyone on board has now had a drastic change in something this year, even the people that aren't political. I mean, I don't even think we're in the United States anymore, let alone Kansas.

For example: Sports. Maybe it's just me, but the Rays and Phillies are in the World Series. I think that shows enough of a recession in America. Maybe there is a correlation between recession years and years of crappy World Series matchups. At least I'm getting a free taco out of it, Thank you and Fuck you Jason Bartlett. But perhaps a recession is happening because America's Favorite Quarterback, Tom Brady, is out for the season. As is America's only good golfer, Tiger Woods, and Kansas's only hope, Larry Johnson(let's face it, all there is in Kansas is Football). Peyton Manning and Ladanian Tomlinson are underperforming, and Adam "Pacman" Jones is back in the spotlight for something stupid. (Really, Who the hell punches out a hotel security guard?)

I didn't think I would say this, but I miss Michael Vick. Or maybe I'm in need for some real sports entertainment. At least we would have some kind of gnarly sneaker commercial where Vick jumps over Terrell Suggs to score a touchdown. But no, he's going to plead guilty to State Dogfighting Charges, and we might never see him again until ESPN The Magazine puts him in their Chicken Soup for the Football Soul section where they show us stories that we might care about if they return to a sport out of nowhere. Maybe as soon as this election is over, we will start to see ourselves through the looking glass again. Black will be black, up will be up, and perhaps America will return to its normal state. It's like we need to have medications for when election years come around. Or maybe it's just because we don't have an incumbent running and there is too much uncertainty. I don't know why so many people are freaking out so much, but I do know that I should be one of them and I'm not. I'm the one entering the job market in the next year. I'm the one who will walk out of college and walk into the workplace that will reflect the time that I am living in. Hopefully I'll be able to get a job when I do that walking and not have to pawn off my valuables to sustain living. I think I just started to freak out just then.

Backing up and returning to the calamity that is sports, what the hell has been happening? Why now? This and American Cinema is the last refuge we have. And Beverly Hills Chihuahua was grossing the top of the list?! We are definitely on tougher times when people don't even want to see good movies anymore. I mean, when my friends and I were at a bar watching the Kimbo Slice fight, you know, the one that was shorter than the average fart, what the hell was that? That was a hugely anticipated fight on television and it was 14 seconds long. Are you kidding?

This is why we need to back off some sports stars. If they want to fight dogs, have stripper parties on boats, shoot up nightclubs no one is attending, and do drugs, maybe we should sort of maybe let them do possibly one of those things. But because we punish our players like we want to punish our bankers right now, we've only hurt ourselves. We've killed the prize fighter in exchange for the good willed middleweight no-name guy.

There is only one way to solve this mess. Give the finger to Congress for interfering with sports and vote the ones who got involved out of office. There are more important things out there than Roger Clemens' barbeque's where he met Jose Canseco's drug dealer, more important things than Rafael Palmeiro's Viagra deal, and more important things than the drug habits of high school teenagers. Get over it Congress, you can't change the fact that doing drugs in high school is still seen as the cool thing. Perhaps you should be going after the people who will be constructing our food supply in the next 10 years, I'm sure that's a more prevalent topic than how small Canseco's balls really are. If people even knew what's going to be in their kids food from now on, according to scientists, you'd worry about that a lot more. But I'm going to guess that you won't address that topic until people start using Scope mouthwash and die from it because it contains a form of windshield washer fluid.

So why do I get angry about this? Because there are things I care about and there are things I really don't give a shit about. So Jordan gambled a lot, he was still one of the best basketball players ever. I don't care about his personal life, I care about my own. If I'm brushing my teeth with stuff I don't want to be brushing them with, fix it. If my kids are playing with toys that will kill them, fix it. But if Congress wants to tell me that one of my heroes is a villain, don't tell me. Because it's heroes that do the fixing. Not Congress.

Call Uncle Del, Tell Him For The Next Two Weeks I'm a Philly Phanatic

So by some act of witchcraft, voodoo, or divinity, the Rays are in the World Series. That's surprisingly alright, strange as that might be to say. They fielded an improbable team, but they beat us fair and square. I take issue with two groups of people: 99% of fans in Tampa Bay, and every living soul (save Dennis Eckersley) that was involved in this abortion of an ALCS broadcast. So, with that being said, let's get this started, because as George Carlin once said, I don't have pet peeves, I have mad psychotic fuckin' hatreds.

The Tampa Bay Fans:

I got a tumor, and the only prescription is less cowbell.

I'm fairly certain that these people came out of the woodwork about a month ago with the express purpose of ruining baseball. These people had absolutely no loyalty to their hometown team, and more likely than not were lambasting them up until a few months into this season. By in large, they've had absolutely no loyalty to their team, but somehow now their own well being and their life hangs in the balance of these games? Bull. Baseball is a game of respect and tradition. Cowbells, cheerleaders, horns, big goofy wigs, and shitty music. It's not a Wiggles concert, its a god damn baseball game. This is a fucking sacrelige. Put your gimmicks away, sit down, shut up, and enjoy the game for what it is. It's the greatest sport ever to grace this country, and it's an absolutely beautiful thing. It doesn't need to be drowned out by distractions. End of story.

TBS:

Never once in my entire life did I ever think I'd say this. I miss Tim McCarver. Really. I'm serious. The ALCS coverage was such an abject failure that I've been forced to come to that conclusion. Being forced to watch the Steve Harvey show because Ted Turner couldn't pony up a couple grand for a fucking backup generator wasn't bad enough, we needed to listen to the following window lickers for an entire 7-game series.

Chip CarayThe Eyebrows of a Buffalo.

Buck Martinez
Puts the emPHASIS on the wrong sylLABLE.

Ron Darling
Never has anything worthwhile to contribute.

I don't think there was a single minute of Game 3 where Matt Garza's balls weren't firmly entrenched in all of their mouths. It doesn't just start there though. Routine double plays, pop-outs, and blowing their noses without covering their laps in snot, these were all unbelievably life-affirming achievements. It was like they coordinated it, too. Chip Caray would shower praise for the Rays' ordinary achievements at levels bordering all out fellatio. Buck Martinez would mispronounce a name so brazenly that I considered throwing a rock at my TV. "David ORtiz up to bat." Shut up. If I hear anyone say his name like that ever again I'm going to find your family in Whoville and steal all of their fucking christmas presents. Lastly, Ron Darling would round it off nicely by stating the obvious. "They'll be keeping David Price in." WOW, what a revelation! I mean, I know he's standing on the mound ready to deliver a pitch, but until you affirmed he was staying in the game, my mind couldn't have possibly processed that. Shitbrick.

I'll save my last ounce of vitriol for this window licker.

Craig Sager

Craig Sager is the creepy uncle your family tries to avoid inviting out. It's because he sits at the edge of the pool and stares at your kids just a little bit too intently. He is one creepy individual. He wears bright and unconventional suits. Holy shit, that's never been done before, right? He's no Don Cherry, in fact I'm gonna have to rank him below that fucking nutjob with the Question Mark suit on late night television. Learn how to be an on-field reporter, FREE! Crawl in a hole and die, you pederast.

Anyway, I digress. This isn't really a post of bitterness, as I was planning on ripping on these failures no matter what the case was. Hope it's been a worthwhile read. Go Bruins?