Dammit Chloe!

What's up, everyone? I'm Kevin, the new contributer to this wonderful blog.  I figured what better time to start posting than after another solid episode of "24." After a subpar season six, the show is back and better than ever for the seventh season. Here are my thoughts so far:

1. The women of "24," with Chloe being the one exception, are royal screw-ups. Save for Chloe, as well as Prime Minister Matobo's wife, who redeemed herself after shamefully opening the safe-room door, the rest of the ladies have really struggled in the opening hours. Let's start with enemy number one, FBI Agent Renee Walker.  

Agent Walker thought she could get away bothering Jack Bauer with rules and protocols. Big mistake. She's come close to jeopardizing every aspect of the mission to get evil Colonel Dubaku and should have been left buried alive so she could do no more harm. It was nice to see a newly-bearded Bill Buchanan tell her how it is and it was also nice to see Jack rub it in her face that he was right and she will always be wrong. To quote Ivan Drago, "If she dies, she dies."

Next up is President Allison Taylor. She's done nothing but remain stubborn and let Dubaku crash planes. Way to go. David Palmer would have solved this crisis in no more than an hour. She's on the brink of tears every 20 minutes and now some poor town in Ohio is going to be destroyed. Come on, Madam President. If Tommy Callahan can save a town in Ohio from going under, so can you. 

2. The Roger Taylor storyline is awful. There's been no point to it until around the 1:45 mark when Ethan (Warden Norton) needed to reach a paralyzed Taylor. Taylor, to his credit, managed to save himself from being killed by a pesky Secret Service agent.  Still, his death and the death of this storyline would be tremendous for everyone involved. Though judging from the previews for next week's episode, upon hearing of the news that her husband is missing, President Taylor cries again. 

3. Billy Walsh...in a suit? Yep, FBI Agent Sean Hillinger (Billy Walsh) is all clean-cut and ready for legitimate work, which leaves a sour taste in my mouth. After all, Billy Walsh once wore a shirt that read "SUITS SUCK." At least Warden Norton is consistently evil. If Walsh can get into more arguments with Agent Moss that lead to the two of them fighting in front of everyone, then the show would be even better.

So those are my major thoughts so far. Overall I've been pleased with this season, and it looks like it's only going to get better. I'll be back every Monday with a "24" recap and some thoughts, so keep checking back.

...And Big Brother Said "Ref, Are you Blind?!"

This past weekend, meaning from Friday Night to Sunday's Conference Championship until Today's Bruin's game, I think that Officials need to be re-educated, and in a large way. Let's start at where I think the conspiracy began. Friday night I went to my friend Sully's house to hang out, watch some hockey, have a beer or two, and play some of ESPN's 21st Century Trivia game. I was pleased. There are many questions ranging from rookie to all-star and were centered around many sports and statistics. Overall, a good time. Until, (and here it comes) I came upon the question that asked "True of False: MLB Umpires are not required to have an annual eye exam?". The answer, to my dismay, was True. Now, reading back the question and answer, I'd imagine your face must look like mine when I read it too.

So I'm okay after this. This probably is just something that the Umpires contracts has in it. I figure, I'll go home and forget this. Maybe the umpires don't eye exams every year. Maybe it's every other year. Who knows?

Fast forward to Travis Reed's house where we watch the Cardinals beat the Eagles, the Steelers beat the Ravens, and Willis McGahee almost die. The play was Flacco passing to McGahee and Steelers Ryan Clark runs into McGahee, HELMET FIRST! That's a link to the video. For those of you that don't know, helmet to helmet collisions are illegal, if done intentionally, and also hurt for a long time. Helmet to Helmet's have ended careers. Ask Bill Romanowski about that one. Everyone in the city of Pittsburgh saw and heard the hit because neither of the players moved for 3 minutes. I think the point that I didn't like was when I heard Jim Nantz-y pants and Phil Simms say it was a legal. shoulder block, but most of all there wasn't a single flag or official call for something that was done intentionally. There are rules and regulations for this kind of thing for a reason. That Steelers-Ravens game was the worst. It was just cheap shot after cheap shot, regardless of whether it was done in front of the refs or not. If I were the Commissioner, I'd fine Ryan Clark for the hit and suspend him from the Super Bowl for such a hit. If McGahee were to die in his condition, which as of a few minutes ago was "movement in his legs and arms, but neurologically intact", I'd suspend Clark until further notice. Plays and hits like that, those effects have no place on the field.

Now sitting on the couch today, I see that the Bruins are playing the St. Louis Blues in the afternoon. Great! I can watch them. The score was 2-1 Blues when I came into the game. But after some great goals by Ryder, Wideman and Chara, the Blues score another goal to make it 4-3 Bruins with about a minute left. The Blues skate up the ice and score a goal but slapping it in, but the puck was above the crossbar when Backes hit it in the goal. My first thought is - what the hell does that mean? Thanks to Jack Edwards and Andy Brickley who said "If the puck is above the cross bar when there is contact made - No goal". Hmm, simple enough. Then the referee will look at the replay and there will be conclusive evidence against it. But what happened? The puck, which is clearly above the cross bar at about the 4 minute mark of this highlights video, is called a goal. This puzzles me because I would think the NHL would not like controversy since it's coming off a very memorable Lockout.

This is the point in my blog where I become a Jack-the-Ripper of ranting. Being a life-long sports fan, I think every sports provider needs to learn two words and two words quick: Tim Donaghy. Remember him? He's the one that fixed the outcome of NBA games to support his gambling habit. Now imagine that there isn't just a Donaghy in the NBA, but in the NHL, NFL, and MLB. Imagine a world where people aren't picketing institutions of government, but are outside of the city stadium, boycotting the sporting events because the outcomes are fixed by officials who need to get paid by their bookie. Where are the government moles? Where are the people that are stopping the fraud that goes on the field? With cameras, sensors, and technology that is available, there is no need for the referee. The referee is the obsolete job of tomorrow. That guy that sits in a high chair at Wimbledon can come down because we don't need him. He's just a human element that distracts the real outcome.

Remember the ref who, to this day, still says that Brett Hull's foot wasn't in the crease in the 1999 Stanley Cup? Didn't that determine the outcome of the winner?

How about Maradona's "Hand of God" in the 1986 World Cup?

And then again in 2007 with Lionel Messi.....

It seems like the only thing that we need officials for is breaking up fights. Their not even that good at doing that. We are in the 21st Century with televisions that can show me a blackhead on Jessica Alba's immaculate face, phones that can turn silent when I walk into a certain area, and cameras that can shoot 1000 frames a second. I think its time we replace the officials with things that can do the job for them without having to take eye exams, without having to worry about whether they are addicted gamblers, and without having to worry about their health after pissing off so many fans. If we can have Big Brother watching every move we make as a society, why not have him watch where it counts?

2009 Prediction by Sheehan

Okay, so I've made a list of things that will happen in the year 2009. Some are just there because of hilarity, some are there because they will indeed happen. I'll let you decide which is which.

1. Barack Obama will be criticized by black people all over the nation when they find out he has no intentions of putting rims on the new Presidential vehicle.
2. The Celtics will win another NBA Championship against the Los Angeles Lakers, prompting Bob Ryan and Dan Shaughnessy to take witchcraft lessons to see if they can put some sort of spell on another Boston team.
3. The Boston Bruins will make the playoffs. The Boston Bruins will also make NESN's list of teams that New Englanders paid attention to more than the Revolution.
4. Blagojovich, however you spell it, will be homeless man of the year, after people realize he sold his house to be the front runner of the Senate seat giveaway.
5. Plaxico Burress will go to jail for 3 years minimum after gun charges filed against him. Marivn Harrison will have 2 years of probation and 1 year of jail time for the shooting outside of his house. Cinco Ocho will pay a heafty fine for copyrighting the name of a meal at Ixtapa Cantina. Thus, Randy Moss will become the nicest shit-talking wide receiver in the NFL.
6. Tiger Woods will return and begin to play golf like the champion he is, but people will start to worry about Phil Mickelson's health since he still isn't winning championships without Tiger there.
7. NASCAR attendance will slide tremendously once everyone below the Mason-Dixon line has lost their house to one of the many bankrupcies.
8. A bank will fail everyday until someone comes up with the name "Piggy Bank" for a company, thus bringing people someplace they can really trust their money.
9. A Lifetime movie will be about the Palins' starring Tina Fey as Sarah, Evan Rachel Wood as Bristol, and Edward Furlong as esteemed redneck boyfriend/hockey washup Levi Johnston. Ratings will sky-rocket.
10. Scientology will continue to be on everyone's mind in 2009 once the real Tom Cruise shows up and kills the fake robot one, saying that he's beein the Andes Mountains for 10 years and hopes to be making good movies once again.
11. John Travolta's life will become more ironic since the song of the movie that made him famous was 'Staying Alive'.
12. NEWS ALERT: Mississippi has the highest teen birth rate and obese rate. MY PREDICTION: Ground zero for the next wave of hurricanes.
13. Apple Stocks will plummet once people start being reasonable and come to the conclusion that they just paid $500 more for something that was $100. Also, Steve Jobs will disappear from the media for about 6-8 months and will return looking like Sith Lord from Star Wars. Justin Long will plead for a real job. The MacWorld presentation will be cut short once all those white people buying Mac's will see that Apple has teamed with MacDonalds to create the new iPod, the 400 lb iFat. Bada bah bah bah, I'm lovin' it.
14. Several more white children will go missing causing Nancy Grace to hire a black and latino correspondent to verify the races of the children.
15. The new Democratically run Senate's first order of business will be to decide if Al Franken or Barney Frank will perform during Bear Week.
16. Halfway into the summer, people will begin to forget about the end of the world in 2012 because the movie 2012 will suck so bad.
17. Nostradamus and the Mayans will be discredited for the remainder of our existence because YOU CAN PREDICT EVERYTHING AND STILL GET SOMETHINGS WRONG!!!!
18. Eric Mangini will become the Browns head coach, making the Lions and Browns the only teams in the NFL not worth holding onto.
19. Miley Cyrus will have the most hilarious sexual scandal when people find her sleeping with the fat kid from Drake and Josh.
20. The Bash Brothers 3.0 will return to Oakland with the signing of Jason Giambi and Matt Holliday. Jason's entry music will be Jambi by Tool, but Matt's will be Holiday by Madonna.
21. (courtesy of James Bucknam) Pacman Jones will join the New England Patriots Defensive Squad, making him the Benedict Arnold character at the American Revolution play at Patriot Place.
22. Anderson Cooper will pull a 'Lara Logan' and have a child with an American soldier in Iraq, making him the second known man to give birth to a child.
23. The Red Sox will win the World Series, and Japan will celebrate by putting the Red Sox B on the national flag.
24. Ann Coulter will enjoy mass popularity when she is filmed at a KKK orgy being depicted as the centerpiece and when people find out she's a man from her new book "Dickless - Confessions of how Liberalism got the best of my former unit".
25. Zdeno Chara, David Ortiz, Rodney Harrison and Kevin Garnett will create the most popular fight club in New England. People will flock to it at first when they see that Heidi Watney barreling over Naoko "Hirohito" Funayama, but then leave instantly when they see Scott Zolak and Greg Dickerson almost kissing eachother.

That's enough for now, I think you must've at least smiled once during that thing.

Patriots...Buffalo Wings...Predictions

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas. Good, since that's settled, time to break the holiday spirit and time for me to go on a rant. Sunday was supposed to be a happy day. We had just had a great night in Boston that included a lot of RUEEEE's from Travis Reed, a lot of laughs, and of course, a lot of me making an ass of myself on the dance floor. Sunday Funday was in full swing: Pats on at 1, Jets-Dolphins and Ravens-Jags on at 4, and if we had the time, Bruins-Thrashers on at 5. We all decided it'd be a great idea to head to Sully's house for the games, so we did. We enjoyed some Dunkin' Donuts, some Buffalo Wings (ironic considering we were playing the Bills), and at certain points, each other's company. Unfortunately, The Patriots crazy win in Buffalo meant absolutely nothing as Eric Mangini and the low-flying Jets (pun intended ahhh thank you) put up the worst effort since Kanye West tried to hit the high notes on SNL while performing "Love Lockdown."

Fast Forward to about a minute in, You'll know what I mean.

So here we are a day later, and the fall out already begins. Less than 24 hours after the Jets literally soiled themselves, Eric Mangini was fired as Head Coach. To be honest, I have never been happier the day after a Patriots loss. Watching Mangini get fired is almost worth the Patriots not making the playoffs. So, nevertheless, the Patriots will not enjoy the sweet up and down ride known as the NFL Playoffs, and I will be forced to jump on a bandwagon and hopefully ride it to a Lombardi Trophy. My heart is with Atlanta and Matt Ryan, but my mind has a different opinion. And with that, here are my NFL Playoff Predictions:

AFC Wildcard:
#5 Indianapolis Colts over #4 San Diego Chargers
Why: Peyton Manning. The guy has been playing out of his skull. After starting off 3-4 and all the analysts calling into question whether or not the Colts were even a playoff team, they rattled off 9 straight victories to close the season and are unquestionably the hottest team in the AFC. That's bad news for the rest of the conference.
#6 Baltimore Ravens over #3 Miami Dolphins
Why: Because I said so. There's no way the Dolphins make it out of the first round. Plus I like the match-up for Baltimore's Defense.

NFC Wildcard:
#5 Atlanta Falcons over #4 Arizona Cardinals
Why: Michael Turner. The Arizona Cardinals have a high flying offense with great passing ability. But they can't run the football. Michael Turner will dominate this game and keep the time of possession in Atlanta's favor. Look for Matty Ice to throw for 190-200 yards and a TD as he manages this game in lieu to a Falcons victory.
#6 Philadelphia Eagles over #3 Minnesota Vikings
Why: Because Brad Childress creeps me out. There's something about that guy that isn't right, and it bothers me. He shouldn't be in the NFL as a coach, he should be locked up behind bars in a Montana State Prison. Plus I like Donovan McNabb and his receivers against a very weak Vikings secondary.

AFC Divisional Playoff
#5 Indianapolis Colts over #1 Tennessee Titans
Why: Because the Titans peaked too soon. Like the Colts have done for many years, they start off hot going 12 or 13-0 and finish 14-2 or something like that. After winning their first 10 games of the season, the Titans only managed to go 3-3 the rest of the way. I think they have a severe case of Colts syndrome, and they'll lose this one. I really like the Colts because they're playing good football, plus I think Chris Johnson might hit a rookie wall and we don't want Lendale White to be eating up all the carries, literally.

Lendale White: For a Fat-Free America

#2 Pittsburgh Steelers over #6 Baltimore Ravens
Why: Both teams have great defenses, so I give the edge to the team with the best offense, and that's the Pittsburgh Steelers.

NFC Divisional Playoffs:
#2 Carolina Panthers over #6 Philadelphia Eagles
Why: Slash and Dash. Williams and Stewart will dominate this game, as they have the second half of the season. I think you can see where I'm going with this.

#1 New York Giants over #5 Atlanta Falcons
Why: I love New York Giants football. Wrong? Yes, but so right. They can beat you on the ground, in the air, on defense, and even on special teams. 2 1,000+ yard backs in Ward and Jacobs, plus Super Bowl MVP Eli Manning to deliver the football to their receivers. Plus their defense is tops in the league. I love Matt Ryan, and someday he'll win a Super Bowl. Not this year though, as he's done more than anyone could have asked by taking a struggling franchise like the Atlanta Falcons to the Playoffs. Great year, but like all other good things, they must come to an end. And the end is here.

AFC Championship Game
#5 Indianapolis Colts over #2 Pittsburgh Steelers
Why: First off, it kills me to have these two teams playing for the AFC Championship. And I don't even think I'll watch the game because I hate these teams so much. As long as Ben recovers from his umpteenth concussion, they'll be in this game. I just think the Colts are riding a hot streak and their gonna ride it right to the Super Bowl. Joseph Addai is finally healthy and Dominic Rhodes should be good to go, plus Harrison-Wayne-Gonzalez-Clark, it'll most certainly be a great offensive-defensive showdown. Barring an injury to All-Pro Safety Bob Sanders, the Colts should have enough to hold off the Steelers.

NFC Championship Game
#2 Carolina Panthers over #1 New York Giants
Why: Because they have the better Running Back Duo. Slash and Dash have opened eyes all over the NFL. With a running attack like the Panthers have, this will open up deep plays to Steve Smith. Right now Aaron Ross is still up in the air after suffering a concussion, but if he somehow can't play in this game, I pity the corner who has to cover Steve Smith. It'll be close, but I think Carolina comes out on top in the end.

Super Bowl XLIII

Carolina Panthers defeat Indianapolis Colts, 31-21
Super Bowl MVP: Deangelo Williams

Why: I'm literally beating a dead horse here, but the Carolina rushing attack is just unstoppable. Indy boasts the 24th rank Running Defense in the NFL. Translation: Swiss Cheese. I think the Panthers have the firepower in the back field to keep Peyton and his Posse off the field for the majority of the game, and keeping the ball in the hands of the offense. It kills me to say this, but Jake Delhomme is going to be a Super Bowl winner. Fuck my life.

Well I hope you enjoyed this ridiculously long blog post, and hopefully I don't screw these up too bad. Until next time, have a Happy New Year and...oh yeah, Go Bruins.

NHL Lookalikes

I've been dragging my feet on this one for far too long, so without further ado, here are your NHL lookalikes.

Evgeni Malkin & Jaws from Moonraker

The resemblance is just flat out terrifying.

Moustache Enthusiast George Parros & Charles Manson

It's plausible that both of them have murdered hundreds of people.

Sean Avery & Sacha Baron Cohen's Gay Character "Bruno"

"Being gay is the new coolest thing, so I'm going to the gayest team in the NHL, the Montreal Canadiens!"

Brett Hull & Tooth Gap Enthusiast Woody Harrelson

Brian Rafalski & Cursing Enthusiast Tourettes' Guy

It's rumored that when Rafalski was on the Power Play in New Jersey, he told Jose Theodore "GO COUNT YOUR DICK!"

Manny Fernandez and Creeping Enthusiast Joe Lo Truglio

Manny Fernandez wants to know if you guys have MySpace.

Crying Enthusiast Mark Messier & Actress Hilary Swank

Has anyone else ever noticed that Hilary Swank only gets awards when she gets the shit beaten out of her in a movie?

Tim Thomas & Handyman Mike Holmes

Tim Thomas rigged the Bidet in Alexei Kovalev's house to dispense his Vagisil. He's making it right.

Daniel & Henrik Sedin

There has to be some sort of explanation as to why these two look so similar.

David Krejci & Tater Tot Enthusiast Jon Heder

Come on Napoleon, gimme some of your shots!

Hope that wasn't anticlimactic. I'll continue to ignore my posting responsibilities for another 2 months now, see you then.

10 Movies I think no one should ever see....

There are many lists of movies that people have hated. Check Wikipedia, RottenTomatos.com, Metacritic.com, and IMDB for all the lists of notorious movies that were worthless in terms of paying to see a movie. But my list is different. I'm going to make my lists much like 'what kind' of movies not to see, not just mainstream titles.

10. Movies that are from Quentin Tarantino that don't have anyone recognizable in the trailer or a headline actor's name. Recently, QT has tried to make every movie of his into an underground movie. For instance: Many of you may not know that he made a Biker movie that he wanted to be "The Best Biker Movie Of All Time". I know one, maybe two other biker movies, so there isn't a lot of competition. If any of you checkout TheMovie-Box.net, there is a trailer for a movie called "KillShot". KillShot is an Elmore Leonard novel that I have been reading that's supposed to star Mickey Rourke, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Johnny Knoxville, and Diane Lane. So far, its a great book. Guess what, the film was being shot in 2007 and QT, the director and producer, hasn't done shit to it. I'm guessing he's too busy with his awesome movies he's putting out so far.

9. Movies starring Al Pacino, as of recently. Let's face it, the Michael Corleone that we once knew is no longer the actor he used to be. He hasn't made a good movie since 1999, in which there were 2: Any Given Sunday and The Insider. He was in Ocean's 13, but that was successful before he was even cast in that movie. Every movie he's made since then has been a piece of shit and I don't think we'll see the old Al. He is making a movie called Dali and I, in which he plays Salvador Dali. One can only hope who got hold of that piece to direct(its apparently the guy who directed another one of Pacino's greats...."S1mone".

8. Movies with Comic book characters that you didn't know existed. There is this movie coming out, The Watchmen, and it's supposed to be the "best written comic book ever". I have never heard of this as a child, and I will probably never understand the superheroes, nor their powers. The plot is supposed to be set in 1985 where Richard Nixon is President and the Soviet Union still exists. The bad guy is named The Comedian. I don't think this movie will sell to anyone between the ages of 18-30 if they have had sexual encounters with another person. But if they have, they have some explaining to do.

7. Movies starring Stand-up Comedians. Unless your name is Chris Rock, George Carlin, Robin Williams, or Richard Pryor, you don't belong in Comedy movies as a primary character. Dane Cook, Larry the Cable Guy, the other unfunny Blue Collar guy, Tim Allen(post Santa Clause), and many other upcoming stand-up comedians are killing me with their shit movies. I hope Larry the Cable Guy gets caught stealing cable and goes to jail for a long time. Dane Cook, I think, is the most unfunny person ever. Louis CK is much better. They've been D-list forever, and they still somehow get people to watch them. There is a difference in writing jokes on stage and writing jokes for a movie. The movie jokes make sense with the movie. The only really active stand-up comedian is Dane Cook, maybe Martin Lawrence if you count Def Comedy Jam. But I don't think that he can do any good right now. He needs to hide for about 4 years and then re-appear with a new album and he MIGHT, and thats a big might; might be funny.

6. Political Movies that talk about elections and issues more than an actual plot with characters. There have been two pet-peeve movies in recent years. One of them was called Man of The Year, which wasn't too bad. Robin Williams had some good one-liners in there. But there was one recently with Kelsey Grammar and Kevin Costner, where the election came down to one vote and it was Kevin Costner's decision to elect the next President. Not only is the story entirely out of this world, but they made the movie be about how candidates want to get your vote and will do anything for it. It's called Politics and according to one of my favorite deceased writers -"It's the end-all be-all of bloodsports." I don't care that electronic voting will take away my vote- it doesn't count in the first place. Sure, I know that politicians will do anything for my vote, that's what they try to do.

5. Movies made by the Zuckers after they made the Naked Gun series. Some people know what I'm talking about here. Ever see a movie called "Disaster Movie", "Epic Movie", "Date Movie"? I hope not. If you have or ever thought of a good thing to say about it, you have no credibility whatsoever. The Zuckers have gone for broke and tried to make every movie with every no-talent actor about every other movie made in Hollywood. I don't know why they do this. But it's no wonder why IMDB's Bottom 10 of the Bottom 100 have been made in the last 6 years. Dear Zuckers, stop making movies and stop doing drugs and retire already.

4. Remakes and Sequels that didn't need to be remade or sequeled. I'm sure at the top of everyone's list is Indiana Jones 4, Baby Genius's 2, Garfield 2, Friday After Next, Are We Done Yet?, etc. This a category that's a bit shaky because I have liked remakes better than originals. What Chris Nolan has done to the Batman series is phenomenal, but what Joel Schumacher did to it was horrendous. The Superman movies don't need to be remade. X-Men 3 was crap. Bill and Ted's Whatever adventure didn't need to be remade. American Pie: Whatever Number didn't need to made or thought of. I'm sure any pot head can come up with the idea that college is great for all the right reasons. I will add a subcategory to this: Movies with families that have 10+ kids in them. Seth Rogen was right: "12 kids that's not funny...That's not funny, that's sick...sick movie."-

3. Movies made by Steven Spielberg after the year 2000. Now Spielberg is probably one of the most successful directors of the 1980's and 90's. But for some reason he ran out of ALL ideas to pursue. I don't think that he'll make another worthy film before 2010. Although that doesn't leave a lot of time, there is still plenty of chances for him to make a career out of being that old director who makes a comeback.

2. Documentaries that aren't made by people who sold their house to make that documentary. Many people don't realize the implication of making a documentary. The purpose of a documentary is to not have the resources to project any argument you want (Michael Moore). Because Warner Brothers pays Michael Moore to make documentaries, he's not a real documentarian. He's just a puppet. His first documentary about GM was good. He had to take out two mortgages, and it took forever to make. That's the real meaning of a documentary; not getting a whole bunch of money and making any propaganda you want.

1. Movies that you can't see for free. I'm a movie lover. I'm also a pirate, but only a very small part of me is a pirate. I understand that there are some movies that I will pay to see, and some movies I will pay lots of money to see. Hulu.com is a great website. There are plenty of movies that just look awful, but they are for free.


With this wisdom, I leave you hoping that you'll be able to make a better choice of movies in the future. I hope that someone in Hollywood picks up on the fact that no one likes crappy movies, so stop making them.

"Ference wants more! He wants to rip that guy limb from limb and who wouldn't wanna see that?!" - Jack Edwards

It's been a while since I've posted on this thing, and I thank that in large part to the fact that nothing has really pissed me off/inspired me to post. Well, fortunately for all 3 of our readers, something inspired me Saturday night: Steve Ott, The Dallas Stars, and the Boston Bruins. Steve Ott you ask? Who the hell is Steve Ott? I consider myself a pretty knowledgeable hockey fan, and up until Saturday I'd like to tell myself I've heard of the guy. But to be honest, I'm not quite sure. Steve Ott is a wannabe Sean Avery, a guy who can get under the opponent's skin and a guy who you love to have on your team. Sean Avery has established himself as THE NHL pest. Steve Ott, on Saturday night, established himself as the bickering girl on the playground.

On more than one occasion Saturday night, Steve Ott took a run at a Bruins player, trying to get under their collective skin. No call. Play goes on. Early in the second period, Ott came across ice, squared up Stephane Yelle, and ducked under him and went directly for his knees on a very questionable check. Shawn Thornton immedietly challenged Ott, who didn't drop his gloves or his stick (in fact, his stick was the only thing in between his fragile life and Shawn Thornton's fists of fury). As the game progressed, the Bruins started to challenge Ott, but no go. Another hit comes to mind when Ott came guns a-blazin' into the offensive zone. There is a difference between hustle and determination and coming in to kill a man where he stands. Ott came in, left his skates, and pummeled Bruins defenseman Mark Stuart. Shane Hnidy wanted to drop the gloves with Ott, but he'd have none of it. He complained to the ref for an instigator and tried to skate away. There's nothing worse than a man who goes out there specifically to cause trouble, to act like a lone ranger, and not back it up. He was challenged to fight, and backed away. At least Sean Avery backs it up.

The turning point came in the third period, when Ott came up the middle of the ice. Ott received a poor pass, had his head down for a split second, and was absolutely steam rolled by Andrew Ference. Andrew Ference, not known for his "lumber laying" ability, came from his blue line across the ice to where Steve Ott gleefully glided along the ice. He picked up momentum and he closed in on Ott, and laid one of the most beautiful open ice hits I've ever seen. With Ott's head down for a millisecond, Ference laid his shoulder right square into Ott, sending him flying into the air. It seemed like Ott was in the air for 10 seconds, and for all I know he could have been. By the time Ott had hit the ice, the remaining masculinity that he felt he possessed was stripped away from him. Not by Chara, not by Thornton, and most certainly not by Lucic. It was Andrew Ference, Mr. "Go Green or Go Home." Moments later, Ott got up, took a run at Petteri Nokelainen, who had his back turned, and got a charging penalty. Almost simultaneously, Sean Avery went after Ference, asked him to fight, and Ference obliged. Someone else doing Steve Ott's work, what else is new. Ference took on Avery, got a good right hook and a few quick left jabs in, and ultimately won the bout. After having to be torn off of Avery, Ference got up, acknowledged the crowd with a PJ Stock-esque wave, and did his 5 minutes of time (Mighty Ducks Reference: 5 minutes for fighting? WELL WORTH IT). We'll look back on this game, perhaps more specifically that hit, later on in the season and wonder if that could have been the turning point.

Andrew Ference: Humanitarian and Steve Ott Ruiner

It will take months to make the assessment, but I believe Saturday night's game was and will be the turning point for this Bruins team. Gone are the days of being stomped out like an annoying mosquito on home ice and gone are the days where it seemed the Bruins couldn't stick up for themselves in a backyard pick up hockey game gone sour. Welcome the days of the new Big Bad Bruins. Thornton, Lucic, and Chara headline the group. But guys like Ference, Ward, Hnidy and even Savard (who I gained so much respect for after he stood up for Lucic, more on that in a bit) who have carried their share.

One more quick thought on Marc Savard. For the record, I love this guy as a playmaker. To this day I still believe he is the most under-rated player in the NHL. Line him up with a proven sniper, this guy will get you 70-80 assists. But one thing I always questioned was his toughness. He never seemed to take the body, never seemed to absorb hard checks. If he went to the box, it'd be because of stick infractions, not for a roughing penalty or anything like that. Well, my opinion of him in that area all changed Saturday. Lucic was up against the boards getting fed the puck by his defenseman, when Sean Avery came up from behind him and caved him in. It was apparent that Avery saw his numbers, but that didn't stop him. Right after Avery caved in Lucic, Savard (out of all people) jumped on Avery and started landing right hook after right hook on his mug. A mini brawl ensued, which included Shane Hnidy beating the living bag out of a Star that wanted nothing to do with him. Marc Savard got the boot, and got my respect.