Patriots...Buffalo Wings...Predictions

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas. Good, since that's settled, time to break the holiday spirit and time for me to go on a rant. Sunday was supposed to be a happy day. We had just had a great night in Boston that included a lot of RUEEEE's from Travis Reed, a lot of laughs, and of course, a lot of me making an ass of myself on the dance floor. Sunday Funday was in full swing: Pats on at 1, Jets-Dolphins and Ravens-Jags on at 4, and if we had the time, Bruins-Thrashers on at 5. We all decided it'd be a great idea to head to Sully's house for the games, so we did. We enjoyed some Dunkin' Donuts, some Buffalo Wings (ironic considering we were playing the Bills), and at certain points, each other's company. Unfortunately, The Patriots crazy win in Buffalo meant absolutely nothing as Eric Mangini and the low-flying Jets (pun intended ahhh thank you) put up the worst effort since Kanye West tried to hit the high notes on SNL while performing "Love Lockdown."

Fast Forward to about a minute in, You'll know what I mean.

So here we are a day later, and the fall out already begins. Less than 24 hours after the Jets literally soiled themselves, Eric Mangini was fired as Head Coach. To be honest, I have never been happier the day after a Patriots loss. Watching Mangini get fired is almost worth the Patriots not making the playoffs. So, nevertheless, the Patriots will not enjoy the sweet up and down ride known as the NFL Playoffs, and I will be forced to jump on a bandwagon and hopefully ride it to a Lombardi Trophy. My heart is with Atlanta and Matt Ryan, but my mind has a different opinion. And with that, here are my NFL Playoff Predictions:

AFC Wildcard:
#5 Indianapolis Colts over #4 San Diego Chargers
Why: Peyton Manning. The guy has been playing out of his skull. After starting off 3-4 and all the analysts calling into question whether or not the Colts were even a playoff team, they rattled off 9 straight victories to close the season and are unquestionably the hottest team in the AFC. That's bad news for the rest of the conference.
#6 Baltimore Ravens over #3 Miami Dolphins
Why: Because I said so. There's no way the Dolphins make it out of the first round. Plus I like the match-up for Baltimore's Defense.

NFC Wildcard:
#5 Atlanta Falcons over #4 Arizona Cardinals
Why: Michael Turner. The Arizona Cardinals have a high flying offense with great passing ability. But they can't run the football. Michael Turner will dominate this game and keep the time of possession in Atlanta's favor. Look for Matty Ice to throw for 190-200 yards and a TD as he manages this game in lieu to a Falcons victory.
#6 Philadelphia Eagles over #3 Minnesota Vikings
Why: Because Brad Childress creeps me out. There's something about that guy that isn't right, and it bothers me. He shouldn't be in the NFL as a coach, he should be locked up behind bars in a Montana State Prison. Plus I like Donovan McNabb and his receivers against a very weak Vikings secondary.

AFC Divisional Playoff
#5 Indianapolis Colts over #1 Tennessee Titans
Why: Because the Titans peaked too soon. Like the Colts have done for many years, they start off hot going 12 or 13-0 and finish 14-2 or something like that. After winning their first 10 games of the season, the Titans only managed to go 3-3 the rest of the way. I think they have a severe case of Colts syndrome, and they'll lose this one. I really like the Colts because they're playing good football, plus I think Chris Johnson might hit a rookie wall and we don't want Lendale White to be eating up all the carries, literally.

Lendale White: For a Fat-Free America

#2 Pittsburgh Steelers over #6 Baltimore Ravens
Why: Both teams have great defenses, so I give the edge to the team with the best offense, and that's the Pittsburgh Steelers.

NFC Divisional Playoffs:
#2 Carolina Panthers over #6 Philadelphia Eagles
Why: Slash and Dash. Williams and Stewart will dominate this game, as they have the second half of the season. I think you can see where I'm going with this.

#1 New York Giants over #5 Atlanta Falcons
Why: I love New York Giants football. Wrong? Yes, but so right. They can beat you on the ground, in the air, on defense, and even on special teams. 2 1,000+ yard backs in Ward and Jacobs, plus Super Bowl MVP Eli Manning to deliver the football to their receivers. Plus their defense is tops in the league. I love Matt Ryan, and someday he'll win a Super Bowl. Not this year though, as he's done more than anyone could have asked by taking a struggling franchise like the Atlanta Falcons to the Playoffs. Great year, but like all other good things, they must come to an end. And the end is here.

AFC Championship Game
#5 Indianapolis Colts over #2 Pittsburgh Steelers
Why: First off, it kills me to have these two teams playing for the AFC Championship. And I don't even think I'll watch the game because I hate these teams so much. As long as Ben recovers from his umpteenth concussion, they'll be in this game. I just think the Colts are riding a hot streak and their gonna ride it right to the Super Bowl. Joseph Addai is finally healthy and Dominic Rhodes should be good to go, plus Harrison-Wayne-Gonzalez-Clark, it'll most certainly be a great offensive-defensive showdown. Barring an injury to All-Pro Safety Bob Sanders, the Colts should have enough to hold off the Steelers.

NFC Championship Game
#2 Carolina Panthers over #1 New York Giants
Why: Because they have the better Running Back Duo. Slash and Dash have opened eyes all over the NFL. With a running attack like the Panthers have, this will open up deep plays to Steve Smith. Right now Aaron Ross is still up in the air after suffering a concussion, but if he somehow can't play in this game, I pity the corner who has to cover Steve Smith. It'll be close, but I think Carolina comes out on top in the end.

Super Bowl XLIII

Carolina Panthers defeat Indianapolis Colts, 31-21
Super Bowl MVP: Deangelo Williams

Why: I'm literally beating a dead horse here, but the Carolina rushing attack is just unstoppable. Indy boasts the 24th rank Running Defense in the NFL. Translation: Swiss Cheese. I think the Panthers have the firepower in the back field to keep Peyton and his Posse off the field for the majority of the game, and keeping the ball in the hands of the offense. It kills me to say this, but Jake Delhomme is going to be a Super Bowl winner. Fuck my life.

Well I hope you enjoyed this ridiculously long blog post, and hopefully I don't screw these up too bad. Until next time, have a Happy New Year and...oh yeah, Go Bruins.

NHL Lookalikes

I've been dragging my feet on this one for far too long, so without further ado, here are your NHL lookalikes.

Evgeni Malkin & Jaws from Moonraker

The resemblance is just flat out terrifying.

Moustache Enthusiast George Parros & Charles Manson

It's plausible that both of them have murdered hundreds of people.

Sean Avery & Sacha Baron Cohen's Gay Character "Bruno"

"Being gay is the new coolest thing, so I'm going to the gayest team in the NHL, the Montreal Canadiens!"

Brett Hull & Tooth Gap Enthusiast Woody Harrelson

Brian Rafalski & Cursing Enthusiast Tourettes' Guy

It's rumored that when Rafalski was on the Power Play in New Jersey, he told Jose Theodore "GO COUNT YOUR DICK!"

Manny Fernandez and Creeping Enthusiast Joe Lo Truglio

Manny Fernandez wants to know if you guys have MySpace.

Crying Enthusiast Mark Messier & Actress Hilary Swank

Has anyone else ever noticed that Hilary Swank only gets awards when she gets the shit beaten out of her in a movie?

Tim Thomas & Handyman Mike Holmes

Tim Thomas rigged the Bidet in Alexei Kovalev's house to dispense his Vagisil. He's making it right.

Daniel & Henrik Sedin

There has to be some sort of explanation as to why these two look so similar.

David Krejci & Tater Tot Enthusiast Jon Heder

Come on Napoleon, gimme some of your shots!

Hope that wasn't anticlimactic. I'll continue to ignore my posting responsibilities for another 2 months now, see you then.

10 Movies I think no one should ever see....

There are many lists of movies that people have hated. Check Wikipedia, RottenTomatos.com, Metacritic.com, and IMDB for all the lists of notorious movies that were worthless in terms of paying to see a movie. But my list is different. I'm going to make my lists much like 'what kind' of movies not to see, not just mainstream titles.

10. Movies that are from Quentin Tarantino that don't have anyone recognizable in the trailer or a headline actor's name. Recently, QT has tried to make every movie of his into an underground movie. For instance: Many of you may not know that he made a Biker movie that he wanted to be "The Best Biker Movie Of All Time". I know one, maybe two other biker movies, so there isn't a lot of competition. If any of you checkout TheMovie-Box.net, there is a trailer for a movie called "KillShot". KillShot is an Elmore Leonard novel that I have been reading that's supposed to star Mickey Rourke, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Johnny Knoxville, and Diane Lane. So far, its a great book. Guess what, the film was being shot in 2007 and QT, the director and producer, hasn't done shit to it. I'm guessing he's too busy with his awesome movies he's putting out so far.

9. Movies starring Al Pacino, as of recently. Let's face it, the Michael Corleone that we once knew is no longer the actor he used to be. He hasn't made a good movie since 1999, in which there were 2: Any Given Sunday and The Insider. He was in Ocean's 13, but that was successful before he was even cast in that movie. Every movie he's made since then has been a piece of shit and I don't think we'll see the old Al. He is making a movie called Dali and I, in which he plays Salvador Dali. One can only hope who got hold of that piece to direct(its apparently the guy who directed another one of Pacino's greats...."S1mone".

8. Movies with Comic book characters that you didn't know existed. There is this movie coming out, The Watchmen, and it's supposed to be the "best written comic book ever". I have never heard of this as a child, and I will probably never understand the superheroes, nor their powers. The plot is supposed to be set in 1985 where Richard Nixon is President and the Soviet Union still exists. The bad guy is named The Comedian. I don't think this movie will sell to anyone between the ages of 18-30 if they have had sexual encounters with another person. But if they have, they have some explaining to do.

7. Movies starring Stand-up Comedians. Unless your name is Chris Rock, George Carlin, Robin Williams, or Richard Pryor, you don't belong in Comedy movies as a primary character. Dane Cook, Larry the Cable Guy, the other unfunny Blue Collar guy, Tim Allen(post Santa Clause), and many other upcoming stand-up comedians are killing me with their shit movies. I hope Larry the Cable Guy gets caught stealing cable and goes to jail for a long time. Dane Cook, I think, is the most unfunny person ever. Louis CK is much better. They've been D-list forever, and they still somehow get people to watch them. There is a difference in writing jokes on stage and writing jokes for a movie. The movie jokes make sense with the movie. The only really active stand-up comedian is Dane Cook, maybe Martin Lawrence if you count Def Comedy Jam. But I don't think that he can do any good right now. He needs to hide for about 4 years and then re-appear with a new album and he MIGHT, and thats a big might; might be funny.

6. Political Movies that talk about elections and issues more than an actual plot with characters. There have been two pet-peeve movies in recent years. One of them was called Man of The Year, which wasn't too bad. Robin Williams had some good one-liners in there. But there was one recently with Kelsey Grammar and Kevin Costner, where the election came down to one vote and it was Kevin Costner's decision to elect the next President. Not only is the story entirely out of this world, but they made the movie be about how candidates want to get your vote and will do anything for it. It's called Politics and according to one of my favorite deceased writers -"It's the end-all be-all of bloodsports." I don't care that electronic voting will take away my vote- it doesn't count in the first place. Sure, I know that politicians will do anything for my vote, that's what they try to do.

5. Movies made by the Zuckers after they made the Naked Gun series. Some people know what I'm talking about here. Ever see a movie called "Disaster Movie", "Epic Movie", "Date Movie"? I hope not. If you have or ever thought of a good thing to say about it, you have no credibility whatsoever. The Zuckers have gone for broke and tried to make every movie with every no-talent actor about every other movie made in Hollywood. I don't know why they do this. But it's no wonder why IMDB's Bottom 10 of the Bottom 100 have been made in the last 6 years. Dear Zuckers, stop making movies and stop doing drugs and retire already.

4. Remakes and Sequels that didn't need to be remade or sequeled. I'm sure at the top of everyone's list is Indiana Jones 4, Baby Genius's 2, Garfield 2, Friday After Next, Are We Done Yet?, etc. This a category that's a bit shaky because I have liked remakes better than originals. What Chris Nolan has done to the Batman series is phenomenal, but what Joel Schumacher did to it was horrendous. The Superman movies don't need to be remade. X-Men 3 was crap. Bill and Ted's Whatever adventure didn't need to be remade. American Pie: Whatever Number didn't need to made or thought of. I'm sure any pot head can come up with the idea that college is great for all the right reasons. I will add a subcategory to this: Movies with families that have 10+ kids in them. Seth Rogen was right: "12 kids that's not funny...That's not funny, that's sick...sick movie."-

3. Movies made by Steven Spielberg after the year 2000. Now Spielberg is probably one of the most successful directors of the 1980's and 90's. But for some reason he ran out of ALL ideas to pursue. I don't think that he'll make another worthy film before 2010. Although that doesn't leave a lot of time, there is still plenty of chances for him to make a career out of being that old director who makes a comeback.

2. Documentaries that aren't made by people who sold their house to make that documentary. Many people don't realize the implication of making a documentary. The purpose of a documentary is to not have the resources to project any argument you want (Michael Moore). Because Warner Brothers pays Michael Moore to make documentaries, he's not a real documentarian. He's just a puppet. His first documentary about GM was good. He had to take out two mortgages, and it took forever to make. That's the real meaning of a documentary; not getting a whole bunch of money and making any propaganda you want.

1. Movies that you can't see for free. I'm a movie lover. I'm also a pirate, but only a very small part of me is a pirate. I understand that there are some movies that I will pay to see, and some movies I will pay lots of money to see. Hulu.com is a great website. There are plenty of movies that just look awful, but they are for free.


With this wisdom, I leave you hoping that you'll be able to make a better choice of movies in the future. I hope that someone in Hollywood picks up on the fact that no one likes crappy movies, so stop making them.

"Ference wants more! He wants to rip that guy limb from limb and who wouldn't wanna see that?!" - Jack Edwards

It's been a while since I've posted on this thing, and I thank that in large part to the fact that nothing has really pissed me off/inspired me to post. Well, fortunately for all 3 of our readers, something inspired me Saturday night: Steve Ott, The Dallas Stars, and the Boston Bruins. Steve Ott you ask? Who the hell is Steve Ott? I consider myself a pretty knowledgeable hockey fan, and up until Saturday I'd like to tell myself I've heard of the guy. But to be honest, I'm not quite sure. Steve Ott is a wannabe Sean Avery, a guy who can get under the opponent's skin and a guy who you love to have on your team. Sean Avery has established himself as THE NHL pest. Steve Ott, on Saturday night, established himself as the bickering girl on the playground.

On more than one occasion Saturday night, Steve Ott took a run at a Bruins player, trying to get under their collective skin. No call. Play goes on. Early in the second period, Ott came across ice, squared up Stephane Yelle, and ducked under him and went directly for his knees on a very questionable check. Shawn Thornton immedietly challenged Ott, who didn't drop his gloves or his stick (in fact, his stick was the only thing in between his fragile life and Shawn Thornton's fists of fury). As the game progressed, the Bruins started to challenge Ott, but no go. Another hit comes to mind when Ott came guns a-blazin' into the offensive zone. There is a difference between hustle and determination and coming in to kill a man where he stands. Ott came in, left his skates, and pummeled Bruins defenseman Mark Stuart. Shane Hnidy wanted to drop the gloves with Ott, but he'd have none of it. He complained to the ref for an instigator and tried to skate away. There's nothing worse than a man who goes out there specifically to cause trouble, to act like a lone ranger, and not back it up. He was challenged to fight, and backed away. At least Sean Avery backs it up.

The turning point came in the third period, when Ott came up the middle of the ice. Ott received a poor pass, had his head down for a split second, and was absolutely steam rolled by Andrew Ference. Andrew Ference, not known for his "lumber laying" ability, came from his blue line across the ice to where Steve Ott gleefully glided along the ice. He picked up momentum and he closed in on Ott, and laid one of the most beautiful open ice hits I've ever seen. With Ott's head down for a millisecond, Ference laid his shoulder right square into Ott, sending him flying into the air. It seemed like Ott was in the air for 10 seconds, and for all I know he could have been. By the time Ott had hit the ice, the remaining masculinity that he felt he possessed was stripped away from him. Not by Chara, not by Thornton, and most certainly not by Lucic. It was Andrew Ference, Mr. "Go Green or Go Home." Moments later, Ott got up, took a run at Petteri Nokelainen, who had his back turned, and got a charging penalty. Almost simultaneously, Sean Avery went after Ference, asked him to fight, and Ference obliged. Someone else doing Steve Ott's work, what else is new. Ference took on Avery, got a good right hook and a few quick left jabs in, and ultimately won the bout. After having to be torn off of Avery, Ference got up, acknowledged the crowd with a PJ Stock-esque wave, and did his 5 minutes of time (Mighty Ducks Reference: 5 minutes for fighting? WELL WORTH IT). We'll look back on this game, perhaps more specifically that hit, later on in the season and wonder if that could have been the turning point.

Andrew Ference: Humanitarian and Steve Ott Ruiner

It will take months to make the assessment, but I believe Saturday night's game was and will be the turning point for this Bruins team. Gone are the days of being stomped out like an annoying mosquito on home ice and gone are the days where it seemed the Bruins couldn't stick up for themselves in a backyard pick up hockey game gone sour. Welcome the days of the new Big Bad Bruins. Thornton, Lucic, and Chara headline the group. But guys like Ference, Ward, Hnidy and even Savard (who I gained so much respect for after he stood up for Lucic, more on that in a bit) who have carried their share.

One more quick thought on Marc Savard. For the record, I love this guy as a playmaker. To this day I still believe he is the most under-rated player in the NHL. Line him up with a proven sniper, this guy will get you 70-80 assists. But one thing I always questioned was his toughness. He never seemed to take the body, never seemed to absorb hard checks. If he went to the box, it'd be because of stick infractions, not for a roughing penalty or anything like that. Well, my opinion of him in that area all changed Saturday. Lucic was up against the boards getting fed the puck by his defenseman, when Sean Avery came up from behind him and caved him in. It was apparent that Avery saw his numbers, but that didn't stop him. Right after Avery caved in Lucic, Savard (out of all people) jumped on Avery and started landing right hook after right hook on his mug. A mini brawl ensued, which included Shane Hnidy beating the living bag out of a Star that wanted nothing to do with him. Marc Savard got the boot, and got my respect.

You'd think they'd have Election Year medications on tap....

I think everyone has a migraine from these last few months of continuous coverage of the battle that has been Barack Obama vs. John McCain, Liberal vs. Conservative, Red vs. Blue, Kimbo Slice vs. Seth Petruzelli. I think this year has been the most "turbulent", as Allen Greenspan would put it. Everyone on board has now had a drastic change in something this year, even the people that aren't political. I mean, I don't even think we're in the United States anymore, let alone Kansas.

For example: Sports. Maybe it's just me, but the Rays and Phillies are in the World Series. I think that shows enough of a recession in America. Maybe there is a correlation between recession years and years of crappy World Series matchups. At least I'm getting a free taco out of it, Thank you and Fuck you Jason Bartlett. But perhaps a recession is happening because America's Favorite Quarterback, Tom Brady, is out for the season. As is America's only good golfer, Tiger Woods, and Kansas's only hope, Larry Johnson(let's face it, all there is in Kansas is Football). Peyton Manning and Ladanian Tomlinson are underperforming, and Adam "Pacman" Jones is back in the spotlight for something stupid. (Really, Who the hell punches out a hotel security guard?)

I didn't think I would say this, but I miss Michael Vick. Or maybe I'm in need for some real sports entertainment. At least we would have some kind of gnarly sneaker commercial where Vick jumps over Terrell Suggs to score a touchdown. But no, he's going to plead guilty to State Dogfighting Charges, and we might never see him again until ESPN The Magazine puts him in their Chicken Soup for the Football Soul section where they show us stories that we might care about if they return to a sport out of nowhere. Maybe as soon as this election is over, we will start to see ourselves through the looking glass again. Black will be black, up will be up, and perhaps America will return to its normal state. It's like we need to have medications for when election years come around. Or maybe it's just because we don't have an incumbent running and there is too much uncertainty. I don't know why so many people are freaking out so much, but I do know that I should be one of them and I'm not. I'm the one entering the job market in the next year. I'm the one who will walk out of college and walk into the workplace that will reflect the time that I am living in. Hopefully I'll be able to get a job when I do that walking and not have to pawn off my valuables to sustain living. I think I just started to freak out just then.

Backing up and returning to the calamity that is sports, what the hell has been happening? Why now? This and American Cinema is the last refuge we have. And Beverly Hills Chihuahua was grossing the top of the list?! We are definitely on tougher times when people don't even want to see good movies anymore. I mean, when my friends and I were at a bar watching the Kimbo Slice fight, you know, the one that was shorter than the average fart, what the hell was that? That was a hugely anticipated fight on television and it was 14 seconds long. Are you kidding?

This is why we need to back off some sports stars. If they want to fight dogs, have stripper parties on boats, shoot up nightclubs no one is attending, and do drugs, maybe we should sort of maybe let them do possibly one of those things. But because we punish our players like we want to punish our bankers right now, we've only hurt ourselves. We've killed the prize fighter in exchange for the good willed middleweight no-name guy.

There is only one way to solve this mess. Give the finger to Congress for interfering with sports and vote the ones who got involved out of office. There are more important things out there than Roger Clemens' barbeque's where he met Jose Canseco's drug dealer, more important things than Rafael Palmeiro's Viagra deal, and more important things than the drug habits of high school teenagers. Get over it Congress, you can't change the fact that doing drugs in high school is still seen as the cool thing. Perhaps you should be going after the people who will be constructing our food supply in the next 10 years, I'm sure that's a more prevalent topic than how small Canseco's balls really are. If people even knew what's going to be in their kids food from now on, according to scientists, you'd worry about that a lot more. But I'm going to guess that you won't address that topic until people start using Scope mouthwash and die from it because it contains a form of windshield washer fluid.

So why do I get angry about this? Because there are things I care about and there are things I really don't give a shit about. So Jordan gambled a lot, he was still one of the best basketball players ever. I don't care about his personal life, I care about my own. If I'm brushing my teeth with stuff I don't want to be brushing them with, fix it. If my kids are playing with toys that will kill them, fix it. But if Congress wants to tell me that one of my heroes is a villain, don't tell me. Because it's heroes that do the fixing. Not Congress.

Call Uncle Del, Tell Him For The Next Two Weeks I'm a Philly Phanatic

So by some act of witchcraft, voodoo, or divinity, the Rays are in the World Series. That's surprisingly alright, strange as that might be to say. They fielded an improbable team, but they beat us fair and square. I take issue with two groups of people: 99% of fans in Tampa Bay, and every living soul (save Dennis Eckersley) that was involved in this abortion of an ALCS broadcast. So, with that being said, let's get this started, because as George Carlin once said, I don't have pet peeves, I have mad psychotic fuckin' hatreds.

The Tampa Bay Fans:

I got a tumor, and the only prescription is less cowbell.

I'm fairly certain that these people came out of the woodwork about a month ago with the express purpose of ruining baseball. These people had absolutely no loyalty to their hometown team, and more likely than not were lambasting them up until a few months into this season. By in large, they've had absolutely no loyalty to their team, but somehow now their own well being and their life hangs in the balance of these games? Bull. Baseball is a game of respect and tradition. Cowbells, cheerleaders, horns, big goofy wigs, and shitty music. It's not a Wiggles concert, its a god damn baseball game. This is a fucking sacrelige. Put your gimmicks away, sit down, shut up, and enjoy the game for what it is. It's the greatest sport ever to grace this country, and it's an absolutely beautiful thing. It doesn't need to be drowned out by distractions. End of story.

TBS:

Never once in my entire life did I ever think I'd say this. I miss Tim McCarver. Really. I'm serious. The ALCS coverage was such an abject failure that I've been forced to come to that conclusion. Being forced to watch the Steve Harvey show because Ted Turner couldn't pony up a couple grand for a fucking backup generator wasn't bad enough, we needed to listen to the following window lickers for an entire 7-game series.

Chip CarayThe Eyebrows of a Buffalo.

Buck Martinez
Puts the emPHASIS on the wrong sylLABLE.

Ron Darling
Never has anything worthwhile to contribute.

I don't think there was a single minute of Game 3 where Matt Garza's balls weren't firmly entrenched in all of their mouths. It doesn't just start there though. Routine double plays, pop-outs, and blowing their noses without covering their laps in snot, these were all unbelievably life-affirming achievements. It was like they coordinated it, too. Chip Caray would shower praise for the Rays' ordinary achievements at levels bordering all out fellatio. Buck Martinez would mispronounce a name so brazenly that I considered throwing a rock at my TV. "David ORtiz up to bat." Shut up. If I hear anyone say his name like that ever again I'm going to find your family in Whoville and steal all of their fucking christmas presents. Lastly, Ron Darling would round it off nicely by stating the obvious. "They'll be keeping David Price in." WOW, what a revelation! I mean, I know he's standing on the mound ready to deliver a pitch, but until you affirmed he was staying in the game, my mind couldn't have possibly processed that. Shitbrick.

I'll save my last ounce of vitriol for this window licker.

Craig Sager

Craig Sager is the creepy uncle your family tries to avoid inviting out. It's because he sits at the edge of the pool and stares at your kids just a little bit too intently. He is one creepy individual. He wears bright and unconventional suits. Holy shit, that's never been done before, right? He's no Don Cherry, in fact I'm gonna have to rank him below that fucking nutjob with the Question Mark suit on late night television. Learn how to be an on-field reporter, FREE! Crawl in a hole and die, you pederast.

Anyway, I digress. This isn't really a post of bitterness, as I was planning on ripping on these failures no matter what the case was. Hope it's been a worthwhile read. Go Bruins?

2008-2009 NHL Season

I sit here tonight, at about 8:30, and I watch the dominant Detroit Red Wings take on the low-flying, boy touching Toronto Maple Leafs. We all know chances are Detroit's going to end up with yet another Stanley Cup, but I thought I'd provide predictions anyway. Here they are:

Eastern Conference
1. Montreal Canadiens
2. New York Rangers
3. Washington Capitals
4. Pittsburgh Penguins
5. New Jersey Devils
6. Boston Bruins
7. Philadelphia Flyers
8. Tampa Bay Lightning
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9. Florida Panthers
10. Ottawa Senators
11. Buffalo Sabres
12. Carolina Hurricanes
13. Atlanta Thrashers
14. New York Islanders
15. Toronto Maple Leafs


Western Conference
1. Detroit Red Wings
2. Dallas Stars
3. Minnesota Wild
4. Anaheim Ducks
5. San Jose Sharks
6. Chicago Blackhawks
7. Nashville Predators
8. Calgary Flames
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9. Vancouver Canucks
10. Colorado Avalanche
11. Edmonton Oilers
12. Columbus Blue Jackets
13. Phoenix Coyotes
14. St. Louis Blues
15. LA Kings

Eastern Conference Playoffs

1. Montreal Canadiens over 8. Tampa Bay Lightning
2. New York Rangers over 7. Philadelphia Flyers
6. Boston Bruins over 3. Washington Capitals
4. Pittsburgh Penguins over 5. New Jersey Devils


1. Montreal Canadiens over 6. Boston Bruins
4. Pittsburgh Penguins over 2. New York Rangers


1. Montreal Canadiens over 4. Pittsburgh Penguins

Western Conference Playoffs
1. Detroit Red Wings over 8. Calgary Flames
2. Dallas Stars over 7. Nashville Predators
6. Chicago Blackhawks over 3. Minnesota Wild
5. San Jose Sharks over 4. Anaheim Ducks

1. Detroit Red Wings over 6. Chicago Blackhawks
5. San Jose Sharks over 2. Dallas Stars

1. Detroit Red Wings over 5. San Jose Sharks

Stanley Cup Finals

1. Detroit Red Wings over 1. Montreal Canadiens in 5 Games.

Hart Trophy: Sidney Crosby, C, Pittsburgh Penguins
Vezina Trophy: Henrik Lundqvist, G, New York Rangers
Norris Trophy: Zdeno Chara, D, Boston Bruins
Selke Trophy: Pavel Datsyuk, C/LW, Detroit Red Wings
Calder Trophy: Steve Stamkos, C, Tampa Bay Lightning
Jack Adams Award: Claude Julien, Boston Bruins

What can be said about Late Night Television

Some of you may not know this, but the Late Night Comedy shows do not like the McCain-Palin team. If you don't know why, look it up. I'm just kidding. That's why I'm here. First it was Tina Fey's immaculate impersonation of Sarah Palin on SNL's season premiere that got everyone excited to see what the McCain campaign would do. Sarah Palin, in response to the skit, said she thought it was funny, even though she didn't hear a word of what was being said. Then John McCain who had announced his candidacy on David Letterman's Late Show, had cancelled to run back to Washington. Or did he?....no he didn't. He cancelled Letterman so he could do an interview with Katie Couric across town. Letterman even ran the feed and had about 30 odd jokes about McCain that night. Now this week, Tina Fey returned as Sarah Palin on SNL and made fun of her interview she did with Katie Couric. The best punchline in that one was that she "wanted to use a lifeline" to answer one of her questions.

So what can be said about Late Night TV? Well, not only is SNL running skits, which is does all the time, but now Letterman is on the attack. One reporter called the incident with Letterman much like a Walter Kronkite kind of revelation. It was a complete questioning of the authority that was running for the highest office in the land. I will be enjoying this as the weeks come to end for the campaigns on both sides. Let's just say I'm waiting for the proverbial nail in the coffin, being the Meet The Press interview for Sarah Palin, or with 60 Minutes. That's even if the McCain camp lets her talk since she is sounding like a fool everytime.

-Sheehan

It's been a while...

What is this? A blog? What's that? I'm not gonna lie I don't have nearly as much experience as BlogMasterFlex, Mark Robert Sheehan. I read his individual blog often, and enjoy reading what he has to say. So myself, along with Mark Manning, have joined forces to create either the most beautiful blog ever to grace this fine earth...or a blog destined for the fresh hole of hell.

So I thought I'd start my inaugural blog on, what else, the Red Sox. It's been a strange year for me as a Sox fan. I have to admit, for some reason during the dog days of summer, I wasn't as revved up as previous years. Maybe it's because winning has become a custom around here, or maybe it's because I'm still suffering from my brutal hangover known as the Boston Bruins. But either way, the passion, the fire, the excitement...wasn't truly there this summer. Flash forward through the heat, the humidity, the brutal storms, all the way to last week. Sox/Rays. Fenway Park. Three game series. It didn't take long to get that excitement back. And more importantly, it didn't take long for me to finally gain that sense of hatred towards an AL East Foe. The Yankees you say? Nay, Nay. The Rays.

As I sat on my couch last night, I watched as a young, feisty, "never say die" Rays team take 2 out of 3 from my Boston Red Sox. It was around 8:00 PM on September 17th, 2008, that I finally realized that this Tampa Bay Rays team is for real. I wrote them off all through the season. April, May, June, July, August and early September, I kept trying to convince myself that they would fall apart. "They're too young, too inexperienced, they don't have enough offense." All of that lying left me cold and dead on the inside. Let me go on record in saying that I hate the Rays. I hate them because they're exactly what I want in a team. I hate the fact I have to root against this team, but I know deep down I'll find a way to do it...quickly. It's a team that doesn't have the super stars, or the luxurious, state of the art stadium. It doesn't have a 40 HR, 120 RBI guy that can bail you out (or not bail you out, please see: Alex Rodriguez). But a team that plays the game the way it should be played. It's hard to root against a team that does all the little things right. The Rays are the Boston Bruins of 2007-2008. Joe Maddon is the Ray's Claude Julien. Evan Longoria is the Ray's Milan Lucic. Scott Kazmir is the Ray's Patrice Bergeron, an up and coming young star who is the face of the franchise. The Bruins faced incredible adversity throughout the season, but some how pulled through. The Rays have had their nay-sayers all year as well, but they've managed to stay atop the AL East.

Again, for the record. I hate this team. I hate the fact they're playing good baseball. But rooting against them has been harder than I could have ever imagined. Rooting against them goes against everything I've rooted for since October 2007.
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Nah, I'm not done yet. With about 10 games to go in the season, I thought I'd give you MYYY choices for this years awards for the 2008 MLB Season. And here...we...gooo...

AL Cy Young: Cliff Lee, SP Cleveland Indians
Why?: Because this guy is outstanding for a not so outstanding team. 22-2 WL with a 2.41 ERA. Yes the Indians have come on as of late, but to pitch for this team all season and get 22 wins? and 2 LOSSES? Astounding. Other than leading the league in Wins and ERA, he also is tied in the AL with the most shut outs (2). If this guy doesn't win unanimously I'll be extremely disappointed in the Baseball Writers of America.

NL Cy Young: Tim Lincecum, SP San Francisco Giants
Why?: Please see: Cliff Lee. Tim Lincecum might be my favorite pitcher in the Majors besides Josh Beckett. Lincecum leads the NL far and away in strikeouts with 237 (through September 18th) and ERA (2.43). He's also 2nd in wins in the NL with 17, only trailing Brandon Webb who has 21. If this kid were playing for even a mediocre team, he'd have a chance at the Pitching Triple Crown. He's got as much support as John McCain's gotten when he picked Sarah Palin as his running mate (there's my political blog post right there, deal with it). 17-3 with a 2.43 ERA and leading the league in K's, this one here is a no-brainer.

AL MVP: Justin Morneau, 1B Minnesota Twins
Why?: Well I bet most of you thought I was going to pick the hometown boy, Dustin Pedroia. I love the fact that Dusty, a man of my size, is ripping Major League pitching. But in the end, I have to go with Justin Morneau here. The Twins are still in the playoff hunt thanks to Morneau, who out of no where now leads the AL in RBI's. Sporting a .311 batting average (7th in the AL) and a 23 Home Runs, he is a viable candidate for MVP. Year after year the Twins are always counted out, but thanks to great production from guys like Morneau, they're always there until the end.

NL MVP: Albert Pujols, 1B St. Louis Cardinals
Why?: OPS: 1.098. This guy is the best hitter in baseball (Yes, better than A-Rod). Sporting a .358, good for 2nd in the NL, he has kept the Cardinals afloat through injuries to their starting rotation and bullpen. Playing through what many called a severe elbow injury, he has played better than I've seen him play in a few years. He's 9th in the NL in Homeruns and 7th in the NL in RBI, but the average speaks for itself. Considered a power hitter by all, he's managed to hit for average. It's hard not to give this award to Ryan Howard, who year after year seems to show up in August and September and hit the cover off the ball. Although Howard leads the league in HR and RBI, his average is .249. It's hard to be an MVP when you're barely batting over your weight (if he keeps doing the Subway commercials I'll remove that previous comment). I was nearly convinced that A-Rod was the best player in the Majors. After this season, with the elbow trouble, Albert Pujols has enlightened me. He is the best player in the World.


-Buck

So we started a group blog....

Okay, so Buck, Mark and I were thinking that we should start a blog and talk about things that we like to talk about. Sports, Movies, Politics, Music, Funny-looking people on the Internet, Hot people we saw during the day, and just weird things that happened to us are all on the table when we talk. So we got the blog idea going and like any project, we didn't think about a single thing that we needed besides what we'll talk about. Name? This one is just temporary until further notice (Sorry Mark, I'm sure you will get to needlepoint with Merriman someday). The URL? 56needles.blogspot will probably leave as soon as we get some new name in the works. The design was basically all white with black lettering, to keep it simple and readable. Other than that, we just have to get a picture, some websites we like, and maybe figure out whatever else we want.

As for things to talk about, I'm just reflecting on the creative process on this blog. Remember, don't go into battle without your gun and don't start a blog without thinking it through. This will be a process, so for those of you who know us and are awaiting masterful works of art in terms of writings- you obviously don't really know us. This is supposed to be fun. It will most definitely be funny, and we will see how each of us end up writing. I'm pretty sure that you will be able to tell who wrote what, judging by the topic and the tone of writing. But just to be sure, if Buck and Mark have read this, which I am positive they will- sign your names to your blog posts.

Okay, thats about everything. Welcome to our Blog-to-be-named-better-next-time. Enjoy.